no somos enemigos..

sending big love from over here...

its a shit time....

we must be the change we want to see.....

oh for god's sake..

please, president bush, get a grip
this morning, this is one of the thoughts that began my day as i listening us usual to radio four and today
the guy goes to war
he helps impose a carefully chosen leadership over a shambolic nation
and then four years later, joins the rest of the world in verbally assaulting the guy that he chose to lead the beleaguered state because things aren't going how he had hoped.
Mr Bush said the Iraqi government would ultimately be judged by the Iraqi people.
"The fundamental question is: will the government respond to the demands of the people? And, if the government doesn't demand - or respond to the demands of the people, they will replace the government. That's up to the Iraqis to make that decision, not American politicians."
no, what you mean is, you will somehow ending up arming the people until they overthrown their government....but probably once you are out of power and ceo of some international evil arms corp that'll make sure we mess them up good and proper this time, even if all-told it takes a generation of us marines dying to do it....
what a knob
i literally despair of him, his pals, his observations, his logic.....
literally

whoop

sleep cometh..
thanks guys...
i feel so quietly sure that something truly changed
may the lord be praised..

ouch..

two nights in a row..
last night, to its credit, wasn't so bad..it was only about three am, maybe three-thirty before i got to sleep
two night in a row is very rare...
i feel so special

no i don't, i feel very, very tired....

sunrise...

So I didn’t sleep well again last night
Its averaging out at about once a week now.
And it always, but always, happens on a day when I’ve said the words ‘oh, so much better these days, thanks.’ In answer to the question ‘are you sleeping any better now?’
I call that a kick in the teeth, amigos, don’t you?!
a friend of mine said to me the other day that she loses about one night’s sleep in every three or four. And no its not a friend who has babies, just a friend who much more humbly and noiselessly gets on with her own part-time insomnia and doesn’t go round moaning about it like I do!
But it freaks me out, and I know that that’s half the trouble – that on a school-night, I lie there and am a)freaked out by being awake on a school-night and therefore will end up struggling at work the next day (although god almost invariably comes up trumps for me with an extra abundant helping of energy and patience on the post-no—sleep-days…) and b) by the notion that there must be something inherently and irreparably wrong with me and my psyche and my wretched nerves and my sheer ability to obsess and fear that can only be described as my mother’s greatest genetically-bequeathed gift to me…
(And I love her for it, obviously….!!)
lately I have seen a friend emerge from years of having a rubbish time, and by that I mean grief and depression and fear on a scale you should never have to go through, into a life where things are colourfully possible…and has done all that without yet knowing jesus….
And more lately still I have watched as another friend decided to get some help, opt for sanity and work his way out of the hole he was in….
And me, I’m just cycling in my cycle of night-terror and sunrise dread…..no-one should fear the sunrise…but on the nights when you have the hungry hoards to feed the next day, the sunrise isn’t exactly your best friend….its a sure-fire sign that all hope of sleep is gone…I reckon I beat it by about two minutes last night, probably getting to sleep around four, four-fifteen…wait, what time is sunrise round here these days….?
Checking…
No actually I beat it by quite some time, seems it doesn’t really hit us til 0548…slacker…
The amazing thing is that everytime this happens, I freak out less and less….and am learning to trust god with my sanity…and with work the next day, and with the idea that it may not always be like this, but that even if it is, if part-time insomnia is to be some sort of thorn in my side, then a) I had jolly well better get on with learning how to make that time count and b) I will still be alright. i will always be alright.
God’s sneaky
Its win-win when it looks like lose-lose.
And that, my friends, is my own unique and soon-to-be patented summary of the gospels of our lord jesus…amen…
Hope you have a lovely day xxxx

howstuffworks..

i invariably don't know how things work.
this is a well-known fact about me.
over the years, russell has given me periodic science lessons on many things...boats, cds, trains, radios, and the like....
however, howstuffworks.com is a brilliant website, that keeps me informed and educated while russell is away...
if i have questions they know the answer.
i also now have a feed from this site that lands daily on my igoogle page telling me a fun set of new facts to know and tell, on a particular theme....sometimes fireworks, sometime egg timers, you know..

and today, the howstuffworks offering is this.....

how stuff works: the rules of war...

today

i am in work and while pretty much most staff are away, the dream team is in session:

me, paul and mrs trivino..

i do like my job!

the town mouse and the country mouse..

was one of my favourite books when i was little. but it distressed me quite alot. and this is because i am easily swayed, and because i can understand both the terror of being a country mouse in a big town, and the vast emptiness and all its associated fear, for a town mouse who finds himself in the country.
lately i feel i have certain dilemmas on my hands, about do i stay in manchester, or do i head back for the west country, to london, to ireland even....
i am no further along the road to having an answer, but the questions pose yet more questions about what sort of a mouse i am....
when i think of jon and ellie, tucked away in their walesville setting, far from the localised horrors of moss side, no more tossed about by this fickle city of ours....i am filled with this glad envy....and when i am here, in my parents' pink house, it is not the country, but the country is a mere stone's throw, and you can feel it...and there is a larder and space and seagulls...and then there is the far west country, land of my birth and the home of the freshest air these shores can offer...but part of me, even now after a year of it being part of my day, is still slightly enchanted by the grim creativity and secretive depth of the northern quarter....and rusholme high street never tires for me....and the walk up arrow-straight wilbraham road to trof is well-trodden and is perfect for a good music-while-walking time....
and so you see i am divided....geography getting the better of me once more. there is a part of me that would like nothing more than the jam-making, egg-collecting and fete-planning of the country life of a farmer's wife....
and yet i walk up oldham street, as as per previous posts, navigate my way through the pawn and porn shops, witch supplies shops and rehashed retro clothing shops and dirty, dirty pubs full of either casually dirty young creative types, or determinedly dirty old men, and i find a bizarre peace...i think it comes from knowing that all would continue such if i were not there, for it is as has has been since lowry and before...
but then the farm wouldn't be going anywhere either, would it..
no-where needs me, you see, and its liberating and terrifying at the same time...
my head is spinning a bit these days from decision-making and let-downs and lovely camping and no more harry and no more west wing and work being mental and just not really feeling at all ready...
so i'm going to take a stroll into gloucester...and see what happens...i can promise you coffee will be involved...and hopefully the buying of a new book...and then blues music and sitting outside and angela's hen-do and honey beer and getting drunk and laughing alot and then coming home and probably resuming thinking again...
ugh...
its good though, isn't it..? its hard to get on in life if you don't know what kind of a mouse you are...