sucked in..!

see how easy it is to get comments around here..!?
the smoking thing, gets em every time...

tea and cigarettes on doorsteps..

in the last week i have smoked on the following doorsteps..
my own
fran's
the saltshaker's
ben and drago's
john and lorna's
denno and rikes'
tim and russell's
its a mug's game, smoking...but i like it...

the oc: 3 x 1

oh..
the mew series.
it started yesterday.
what an episode.
sal scoffed all the way through, and i didn't even care! i maybe should have cared a bit, that she hated it, i mean i was at her house...
thanks sal..
but its just so nice to have some little weekly addiciton back in my life, since i finally seem to have kicked the bingo dream...weekly addicitons are just so much more rewarding..and less demanding, obviously, than all the daily ones i have on the go...
seth, summer, ryan, marissa....not to mention sandy.....hooray!

generally had a rather lovely weekend, actually...for a fuller summary of my saturday, see sally's blog..and yesterday i hung out with john and lorna (after the oc)...which was brilliant.....and last night i prayed....so a winning fin de semaine all round..
can't believe i forgot kirsten...! she's great too..
not so sure about jimmy any more...he did get lectured by sandy though, which was good...high time..
ok i'm going now..x

desiderata..

evening..
i re-read this poem today, and recalled how much i loved it and why
i return to manchester tomorrow
if you are there, i will hope to see you soon
if you are not, no doubt you have some plausible reason, and i hope that whatever ever it is, its going well with you
i am glad to be going back
thank you, the shire, my shire, for my lovely two weeks of you
come on then 2006, what you saying...?!

january sixth..

...is the holy feast of the epiphany
i'm afraid i may have promised too much
i believe now, in the safe, cold light of 2006 that i had no such thing on new years eve...it was merely a beastie boys-fuelled moment of nostalgic rebellion
am currently re-assessing whether rebellion or rather rebelliousness is a necessary or in any way profitable feature of my character
its under review
i'll keep you posted

btw i realise i'm a few minutes ahead of myself
its back-door smoking time, sorry...

treading the path of least resistance..

so i got a call this morning bidding me to reurn to the nbs for another round of eight to ten weeks...followed by a call from louise, giddy at the prospect of eight to ten weeks of na and louise running the show without carol....gotta say i'm not too unhappy about that part myself..!
so i'll be back in manchester at the weekend...ready to rock on down at the blood bank...
you know it makes sense...

bricking it...

so i'm going back to manchester tomorrow. and yet again i find myself feeling like a total loser. i don't want or need or deserve sympathy here, i feel sick, i'm so scared. two weeks ago i was happy enough there. now, i have no real job to speak of to go back to, and i feel shit. i'm sick of this. sick of feeling aimless and directionless. sick of looking around me and seeing plan after plan being successfully or at least gracefully executed by my friends, while i fuck up another one of my half-baked, juvenile plans and end up broke again.
its all rather familiar and tedious, isn't it?
i'm almost ready to tell you about the epiphany of nye
another glass of wine, and we'll see....

fyi..

if you are intrigued about the new profile picture, let me tell you a story..
this is the story i read about three years ago
*story*
and have wanted to go there ever since..
i just came across the picture again today, and thought i would share..
for further reading..

untitled..

i was playing harry potter top trumps just now, with fi, and my mum is standing there, usual position, half-sitting on the radiator, tea in hand...and out of nowhere, she says, na, when i was exactly the age you are now, i had two children.
i had snape on magic 85, fi had mcgonagall on magic 96...
what can you say to that...?

here goes..

and there goes another..
well last night was good. i laughed alot alot, drank aftershock for the first time, got groped by man called kinky ken who wears a lot of pvc and red heels that no woman could wear and live...met fabian the pirate boy, met someone called stretch..,..re-met the dancing boy, from crackers, not while i was in crackers, but after, in the cellar of cafe rene...not dancing...wierd...saw darren neeley, and none of you know who he is, but that was oddly nice, given that it was darren neeley...saw a girl that i used to babysit for..danced the ymca in crackers, along with several other eighties disco numbers, i think even the hokey-cokey....which was even wierder than seeing the neeley boy, since it was crackers, after all..we left town around six, and made a record of stretching the ten-minute walk home to forty-five, yes forty-five minutes...we couldn't find the monopoly car, see, and the giggles were too much for walking...i think one of my favourite parts of the evening was the beastie boys, no alas, not live, just on, in crackers...and as i shouted along, people all around me also shouting along..........fuck you i won't do what you tell me........over and over, i had something of an epiphany....i can't recall it just now, but i will, and i when i do, i'll tell you.
happy new year..x