bricking it...

so i'm going back to manchester tomorrow. and yet again i find myself feeling like a total loser. i don't want or need or deserve sympathy here, i feel sick, i'm so scared. two weeks ago i was happy enough there. now, i have no real job to speak of to go back to, and i feel shit. i'm sick of this. sick of feeling aimless and directionless. sick of looking around me and seeing plan after plan being successfully or at least gracefully executed by my friends, while i fuck up another one of my half-baked, juvenile plans and end up broke again.
its all rather familiar and tedious, isn't it?
i'm almost ready to tell you about the epiphany of nye
another glass of wine, and we'll see....