there was one particular blur song that me and my girls loved, back in 1996, about a man called tracey jacks.....he said 'i'd love to stay here and be normal, but its just so over-rated....' so he jumped naked off a pier and was no longer able to be classed as normal
its a funny thing, trying to recover from feeling sadder than i have ever felt...because feeling normal somehow seems to be the goal, and yet (i hope!) i have always tried pretty hard not to be normal
viernes, octubre 31, 2008
sábado, octubre 18, 2008
the pink house..
hands up if you live in a pink house....?!
anyone?!
no?!
just me then....
so tomorrow i am going to be re-claiming, in a big van, all the possessions mentioned in the last post. they shall be relocating to the glos with me, for the next couple of months, until i venture out into the world of bristol-living once more in the new year....
i shall have all my shoes, those eyeshadows i'd forgotten i owned, the many many books that i have owned for years but not got round to reading...those extra jumpers that the weather is really starting to demand of us now....and simply the nice feeling of living in one place at a time....
at the moment i feel like i am collecting up pieces of myself, trying to find enough of them to feel like me again.....i left part of me in a forest with the boy's ashes three weeks ago....i left part of me in scotland with the kids....i left part of me in swansea, the last day that i was happy, the day that happened before all this happened....
but also parts of me are with sal and catelin, with nick and ang, with matso and fran, fiona, the hugsies and the gribbos, and with betsy, pigface, the australians...these people who insist on loving me even when my eyes insist on leaking endless tears (today, anyway...) and even when i have no way of satisying myself, or making myself happy, these people and many others are offering me something everyday that makes me a little bit happier.....these hands that clap.....(points for the very slight doug ref there...) and you know, even while i feel like pieces of me are missing, really, when i sit with my poor dad on the sofa while i cry and he hugs me, doing all he can in that hug, i know that kindness is what is rebuilding me, and i just wanted to say thanks. i know that i am not lost, or mad, or adrift, but that time and love are the great helpers, assisted ably everyday by you......gracias a ti....
anyone?!
no?!
just me then....
so tomorrow i am going to be re-claiming, in a big van, all the possessions mentioned in the last post. they shall be relocating to the glos with me, for the next couple of months, until i venture out into the world of bristol-living once more in the new year....
i shall have all my shoes, those eyeshadows i'd forgotten i owned, the many many books that i have owned for years but not got round to reading...those extra jumpers that the weather is really starting to demand of us now....and simply the nice feeling of living in one place at a time....
at the moment i feel like i am collecting up pieces of myself, trying to find enough of them to feel like me again.....i left part of me in a forest with the boy's ashes three weeks ago....i left part of me in scotland with the kids....i left part of me in swansea, the last day that i was happy, the day that happened before all this happened....
but also parts of me are with sal and catelin, with nick and ang, with matso and fran, fiona, the hugsies and the gribbos, and with betsy, pigface, the australians...these people who insist on loving me even when my eyes insist on leaking endless tears (today, anyway...) and even when i have no way of satisying myself, or making myself happy, these people and many others are offering me something everyday that makes me a little bit happier.....these hands that clap.....(points for the very slight doug ref there...) and you know, even while i feel like pieces of me are missing, really, when i sit with my poor dad on the sofa while i cry and he hugs me, doing all he can in that hug, i know that kindness is what is rebuilding me, and i just wanted to say thanks. i know that i am not lost, or mad, or adrift, but that time and love are the great helpers, assisted ably everyday by you......gracias a ti....
Suscribirse a:
Entradas (Atom)
