feel free..

to shut me up the next time i write a post like the previous one..
terribly sorry, dear reader

things are looking or seeming somewhat different this week

coming back from london late sunday night (trusty national express, seriously, the divine comedy were right, as it turns out, take it when you're life's in a mess, it'll make you smile...) and i decided that having a crap time, along with most things in life, is about how you perceive it. i saw people over the weekend who love me so faithfully, tirelessly and at times thanklessly....i think just being with them for a couple of days reminded me that the flip-side of what i was so fiercely misering about in the previous post, is that perspective is a tricky but entirely redeemable thing. its flighty, unreliable and too often temporary, but when a brighter or somehow more springtime perspective is sought from god, it will indeed be found. So I just asked god to change my attitude..and sure enough monday morning it had been changed, in my sleep..! things aren't rosy, or full, but they are less empty. so that's good, right..?

counting magpies..

see, it appears that the american people see crows as the characters in the strange and fatally unfounded rhyme about one for sorrow...etc, etc.....we here obviously refer to magpies when reciting it. apart from a bit of white featheryness, i could not honestly say i knew the difference between the two. but i do belive there is a difference.

i'm beginning to see more and more instance of this kind of, not strictly trans-atlantic, but certainly trans-circumstantial differentiation in individulals' view of god and his perfect will.

it is altogether one thing to say that while one's circumstances are crap, or disappointing, or mildly dull, well, whatever physical things lie around you, that there is always hope in the building of one's character through hope and perseverance. that there is always concrete and irrefutable truth in the love of god, that unconditional, timeless love......

in my recent hunt for clues (still pending any real conclusion, so bear that in mind if you choose to read on..) i have been studying the the records that the bible contains of the lives of the heroes of the faith as detailed in hebrews 11, refering back to the original decriptions of their lives in whichever relevant chapter of the old testament..

i cannot currently overlook that words favour, blameless, upright, pleasing,..

it seems that in many accounts of people who in times long gone 'walked with god', he bestowed blessing on them because they pleased him. he gave them long lives and good families because they themselves were good. there is definately some sort of conditional tendecy at work here. the more you love god, the more he loves you...? or, the more you love god, the more he gives you good things? then again, maybe the more you love god, the more you listen to him, therefore the more you are able to walk in obedience and fullness because, as john mayer wondered, you are indeed living it right.....or perhaps he just loves people unconditionally but only helps them out if they love him back...

here i am somewhat confounded. i still refuse to give up, but i could not really term it perseverance. that sounds like willingness, or determination, or somethng equally energetic. no such expendature here. just dogged lack of any other option, and the niggling feeling that the clues may eventually lead somewhere.
the most incredible sentence i have read this week - ...then enoch walked with god for another 300 years... -
the search continues