isn't there a song about glorious mud?

so yesterday was my favourite day for ages. i went to visit claire this weekend, in bath, and we got spoiled by her parents and sat in the summer house (i know not one other person who has a summer house) and talked. and talked. then yesterday morning we ventured over to hope. arrived late, got coffee, split the last bagel, and generally felt relaxed. at church.
so we stayed all day. in the afternoon we went to our favourite place in bristol, boston tea party, had coffee and talked in spanish...it can't be hard to see why this was my favrourite day for ages, surely..?
we went back to hope to go to this prayer thing...i think its like their new prayer school they're starting.
and i was still scared of god. i knew he wanted to change something for me, right then, but i was really scared because i realised as i stood there trying to pray that i'd kind of forgotten how...
so i backtracked to the day before, in the summer house, and this is why that helped..
claire and i were talking, about me and god, and how i felt so far from him, that i'd been awol from him for many months..etc, and she just in that great way of hers made it all a lot simpler: na,you want god don't you? yes. You don't feel any desperate need for him in any one particular area though right now, do you? no. and you don't feel emotionally needy towards him or emotionally screwed up by confusion concerning him? no. so..what's your problam? for ages you've wanted a relationship with god that wasn't based on your feelings or needs, but was boiled down to the fact that you still know life with him to be better than life without him. i guess. so
there i am, at church, with quite a few people i love in the room, and i realised she was right. that things aren't actually that bad. that really i haven't strayed that far, and that well, i'd got what i wished for.
he got me on my own, the last six months, and i think i can see why now.