besides which i got a better idea... .....after the sheer madness of the -european urban cultures ma- idea, which was brought swiftly and painlessly to a close by the pienaars and their shrewd and honest questioning one aftenroon about the time i last posted (mrs p-this is absurd, why would you, you, want to study cities?! you've never been about cities! it makes no sense!-), (tom-so come on then, what do you want? what do you really want to do?!, no more dumbing yourself down and finding the easy ideas, what do you want to do , because we think you're capable-). something wierd happened that afternoon, where i honestly said the things that, intelligence, training and money aside, i actually wish i were doing with my life. and they let me think it....they added to it and questioned parts of it. and it all comes back to advocacy.... so they went away that evening, and i went to my room and prayed away a spirit of distraction in my life, which had lead me originally to the absurd european cultures idea...so that was gone, in a flash. then that evening, i wrote The List. I will write The List on here one day when i have a bit more time, but for me it was, over a bottle of pinot grigio and a couple of rollies, the greatest release of truthful ideas about me that i can remember letting happen. it was ace...the things i want to do, see and become, the things i know i am called to and the ways i want most to be effective and loving. i recommend personal, insightful list-writing. that very same night, when The List was done, I found out about The Job