bonjour, mes amis...

oh please forgive me.
for the love of internet! i have some at my new house...and no computer...
i have some at work and no access to blog sites...
but then - i found that one can email to one's very own blog
geeks are so smart. blogger geeks - i salute you!
commentators.....again, please forgive my neglect....
i have not one excuse. not even a bad one, so i offer none. i am crap.
well, i'm not sure about that last part, but i am sorry
i could write one of those nice long list-posts, i think i'm quite good at those...
or i could not say anything at all about what i've been doing, and just start with today.

truth is, not much has happened.
i am not near to god, in my heart, and therefore i am not changing. and not changing means there's really not much to tell.

but, i have moved to blair road, finally taking my turn at living in the wezzle homestead. the top floor flat is mine all to myself with no smelly boys, no disappeared toilet paper and no washing up left around the place.
the night before i left heald to go there, helen spied me looking rather nervous. she was like -oh, you know jesus is waiting there for you, don't you! nowhere to hide, nowhere to go, just you and him- and she smelt the fear. and now i know that the fear was entirely founded, in the reality that when left alone, backed into a corner with god, he's there waiting and i think he's been waiting a while. he's staring at me and its making me nervous. i now live with him, and no-ne else, and he knows everything about me. and he still likes me.
thunderbolt city.

i am now learning that life fully with jesus, with all the ups and downs and questions without answers and challenge and intensity and quietness and general collage of contradiction, is so much better than the last six weeks or so, probably more, of bland, quietly-corrupted, self-absorbed, prayer-less unholy holiday....it really has been rather alot longer than six weeks, too......there have been moments, where i have wanted to know god, and been temporarily committed to that idea, never really gaining enough speed with it for it to be mistaken for pursuit. but i do not want moments anymore. i want whole afternoons, days, weeks and decades of walking with god. enoch managed 300 years of walking with the lord. imagine.

i know i have made statements of intent, and rash promises, on these very pages enough times before, so i am not about to do that again today. but i do want to break this cursed cycle of a jesus-less autumn, because it is, after all, my favourite time of year, and you should always be with those you want to love the most at your favourite time of year.

look at it! just look outside - shiny and blue and clean and freakin cold - my all-time favourite weather......

hats on people, mitten up, its time to read the bible....