holy mammon..

oh dear sweet jesus...
i went to the trafford centre today..yes, that's right. i, na of the lowly shire, went to the holy of holies of shoe-worhip and visa offerings and cosmetic atonement..
on a bank holiday weekend
in half-term
literally, it seemed the world and his wife and his neighbour and their screaming two-year-olds were there, and all trying to spend money and fill their bags and pockets with things to make them happy
consumerism rules, sally declared, as we trumphed in finding a parking space after half-an-hour of looking.., and we joined the throng about to begin the five-mile hike from the car-park which as far as we could tell was in chorlton, to the sacred shopping space..
it glows, its glows with sale signs and electronic tags on clothes and phone-tariff offers and all-you-can-eats and fountains befitting most palaces and chip-and-pins and tired, streched arms from the increasing bag-loads....
truth be told, i got what i needed, an outfit from shona's wedding next week, in the first ten minutes...but then, i had the necessary and more more enjoyable hunt for accessories....and sally needed shoes..and a hat...its all wedding-related, its all-important, its all-consumering..
and so we passed several hours, mooching, getting lost, taking wrong turns, hissing at couples who walk at a snail's pace in front of you, their hands in each-others' back pockets, and booed at screaming tearaways and (i, at least) glared at parents who not only have buggies but then one pushes the buggy while one takes the child out and "walks" with them holding their hand on what may only realistically be the second day that child has been walking...why, why?
its not even that you're in a rush, its sunday, what do you care? but, its more that when you can't rush, you want to..and also that - for me anyway - i hate to feel herded. i mean, its not as bad as ikea where your route is actually planned out and arrowed for you, but still, i just felt like such a statistic. like when you read about language degree students who all end up working in public service administration, or read about facebook in the observer and all the statistics on it, of which you are merely one...
i hate that feeling..
i love my outfit so much though!
its complicated, isn't it, trying to live without material hunger but also enjoying the process of piecing combinations of clothes together in a way that makes you look nice and feel good and, i mean, its your cousin's wedding, you can't turn up looking in a mess....
the whole thing blows my head slightly, that i hate to see people so avidly spending money and accumulating stuff, but at the same time, being in on it, and knowing that to whatever extent, you'll always be in on it...