at that particular time..

is a lovely, lovely song by the wonderful alanis.
in the story, she talks about these very specific stages in life, mostly in the context of the relationship that the song is about, and the waymarks you set up along the way, like jeremiah, to show yourself the road by which you went...the things that mark out each phase, the outward symbols and the inner motives...and its amazing becuase you get the feeling that in terms of linear time, the stages she's on about are indistinct, and possibly very close together. or they could be years apart, you really don't know..
i realise i am prone to over-analysis, but there is something heartening about realising that at this particular time, things are good.
yes, i have cried this week, once, on monday, in london. it was short-lived and helpful. but that two-minute slot that threatened to wreck hattie's birthday lunch there for a moment (sorry hats..) is not really connected to now. it scary how different your days can be from each other when in theory there should be these seamless threads and ribbons of themes and feelings and priorities moving through day to next day...mais non, its not that easy. see, for me, so many things can shift my mood. and my mood, once altered, sadly can affect alot.
there are about half a dozen songs on my phone right now that if the shuffle lands on one of them, my mood is lifted and brightened. and about the same amount of songs that can nudge me into the slight beginnings of sadness...and then hundreds more that i love, but are just..there...
equally, the appearance of an email in my inbox with the potential of something new to come, possibly in the form of a new pursuit of employment....or maybe an email just saying that penny left me a coment on here...possibly just abebooks trying to plug me a signed copy of harry potter seven...or possibly some stickmen...all these things can appear via gmail in an instant and provoke a grin, a second of whimsy, a small fit of rage, a tirade of anti-american abuse, a one-click purchase of a book i've been waiting two years for...!
things happen to us so rapidly. with so little warning....i can communicate with people in a flash, and this affects me, because to communicate, in more or less any form, is the thing that gets me out of bed in the mornings...this i what i established during my mock interview with hawkes during our manchester-to-hertford-long-drive-down-the-m6 last weekend...
and it seemingly limitless, isn't it...?
when you think about jane and lizzie, and how jane's letter got lost, so lizzie didn't even know about lydia running off with wickham until days after it had happened...that's crazy, right?
my sister is ill in a tent somewhere in north wales today (hugses, if you're up for a rescue mission...?!) and two hundred miles in the other direction, my brother's house got flooded in today's ridiculous rain, my dad got stuck in the flooded forest of dean and my mum got locked out and had to get nick round to break a window..and i know it all!
nothing escapes me..
they're all ok, by the way..i think..
but seriously, how weird is that? that we can know about and respond to and worry for and be involved in things that are happening right now...in faraway places...
let alone my bizarrely-made new acquaintance over the other side of a bloody great ocean, who this week i have heard more of than i have of my mother.
and this affects us. it affects me, anyway...two consecutive days aren't the same when people are in your life, i guess when you choose a life of involvement and community. and nosey-ness! walking home tonight i said something to ben about my nosiness and he rephrased it in a delightful way that made my absurd level of curiosity about people sound like its my super-edifying gift unto the body!
i win
reader, thank you for reading. i think i would write this if no-one read it...but its nice to have you here, all the same...
night loves x
ps: liz, tim and sal can you please note that i have blogged three time today..although its 2.30 am but its still friday in my book...remember those days when everyone blogged so much that three in one day was a regular contest!?
ah, happy days..
wretched facebook..humph...