gimme shelter...

i am mixing my 1960's musical metaphors here, but anyway...

i am in the garden, listening to -shelter from the storm- by bob dylan... it is a very beautiful song....it makes me think about love being cosy and warming and helpful and constructive....it makes me think about how there are times in a man's life, and probably a woman's life too, when he has to give in and admit that he lacks, and is in need of something.

i am writing alot, in my lovely green notebook courtesy of mrs p-b, and have started at the start: my brother's wedding day last summer, and the moments of sneaking out for cigarettes with this friend of his, this steve, who i had not seen for many years, and who was simply endearing, and who seemed slightly taken with me. it was heady few hours, figuring out one glance from another, having relatives and strangers coming up to me and asking me who he was, is he my boyfriend? who's his mother, who are his uncles and aunts? (do not think me ignorant of their condition....) it was a quick, seamless enveloping of his left arm around me, as we stood side-by-side and watched the late-end of the party through the wide doors of the marquee, from the outside where we stood and smoked together for most of the evening.....it was a blanket, a stole, a shield, a raincoat, a banner.......

shelter from the storm...

he was to me, and i to him, shelter....

i am not crying as i write, but grinning.......that grin that some of you will have seen over the last few weeks, if you have been looking on at the moments when i feel clarity and peace, satisfaction and reward.....these moments are pure gold to me right now, in the form of a shelter, this umbrella that sits over me every day in my garden.....

you can come visit if you like, and sit here with me...its nice...