the vacuum..

so on a day like today, when a man leaves his job as president of one of the most potentially chaotic countries in the world, it throws open the metaphor about the the empty house, and what can sneak into it when you're not looking, when you're off duty, or when something or someone leaves, and the vacuum opens up....

i feel like in the first weeks, the vacuum was full of tears and murky confusion. and friends and wine (alot of wine...) and camel straights, subway windows.....i'm beginning to look on those early days with a certain fondness.....i haven't had a proper conversation for days, about him, about me....i'm not sure this is the best thing....

i feel very lonely, and very aware that he has left a vacuum. and i do not know what to do now.

i can't deal with all this when i'm tired. and shit, i'm tired.....