channelling, take two...

hola otra vez...

i have de-camped to the lounge, as sharing a bed with a healthy sister when you yourself are feeling this unhealthy is not nice for either person - me i can't sleep anyway and she's asleep safe in the knowledge she will almsot certainly wake up ill...!

so kids, tomorrow would have been the one-year anniversary of him being my boyfriend and me being his girlfriend....i've never had one of those particular anniversaries before and i'd been rather looking forward to it. strictly speaking, tomorrow is merely the anniversary of our date in london, with the escalator episode (please utlise the archive function on my ever-so helpful blog, to re-fresh any ailing memories.....) and the anniversary of our becoming officially in a relationship is a week later, but since that was also his birthday he refused to share it with that, so we decided on tomorrow, the 15th....

i'll tell you what i miss...
i miss waking up in the morning, seven am or thereabouts, and while waking up, remembering that somewhere about two-hundred miles away there was a man who loved me the most. the days when he was there when i woke up were a treat, they were not the ordinary days....the ordinary days of our ten months began like this - me remembering that it wasn't a dream, that it really was happening, that i really was falling in love, and that i really was happy.

i kinda miss that.

anyway that's beside the point
the point is that a year ago i was fretting horrendously about what to wear, what to talk about, would he even turn up, etc etc. and then car-ride down to that london with the gils on the saturday morning was brilliant. she was very helpful, calmed me down and whatnot.

what i realised about myself that day, is that i am an idle flirt. by this i mean that when it came to it, and there was a real interest, a real person and a real story, i was not the flirt that i am or can be in passing, fleeting situations, mais non! i was terrified! thankfully he was much better at things than me and once we'd established that the childish liking of the other was mutual he pretty much figured out the rest. first and last time i ever saw him use any initiative...!!

the thing is the last few weeks have been strange in that i haven't cried much, i've fretted more than i've grieved, i've concentrated on other things (sometimes hugely unsuccessfully!) and then suddenly last week, it struck me just how much i miss him. actually him. not just the having of a boyfriend. not just the plans for the future, or the bemoaning of events he should have been at with me (all those weddings...!) but really just him....him in all his grumpy sweaty harried lazy rakish boyish old-mannish-ness.....all of it.

a couple of people have asked me how i will mark tomorrow. (well, today, monday...)

i think i will mark it now, by writing this and saying 'i love you my boy, wherever you are' and 'thanks guys, for everything you did to prompt, challenge, support and shape what we had together....'
i know there were a lot of you who were thrilled at the idea of getting to watch me try and handle two kids as well! there was going to be some pure comedy ahead with those two i tell you.....






by the way, the tesco in gloucester have reduced the alcohol-buying age from 30 to 21...!