oh please forgive me.
for the love of internet! i have some at my new house...and no computer...
i have some at work and no access to blog sites...
but then - i found that one can email to one's very own blog
geeks are so smart. blogger geeks - i salute you!
commentators.....again, please forgive my neglect....
i have not one excuse. not even a bad one, so i offer none. i am crap.
well, i'm not sure about that last part, but i am sorry
i could write one of those nice long list-posts, i think i'm quite good at those...
or i could not say anything at all about what i've been doing, and just start with today.
truth is, not much has happened.
i am not near to god, in my heart, and therefore i am not changing. and not changing means there's really not much to tell.
but, i have moved to blair road, finally taking my turn at living in the wezzle homestead. the top floor flat is mine all to myself with no smelly boys, no disappeared toilet paper and no washing up left around the place.
the night before i left heald to go there, helen spied me looking rather nervous. she was like -oh, you know jesus is waiting there for you, don't you! nowhere to hide, nowhere to go, just you and him- and she smelt the fear. and now i know that the fear was entirely founded, in the reality that when left alone, backed into a corner with god, he's there waiting and i think he's been waiting a while. he's staring at me and its making me nervous. i now live with him, and no-ne else, and he knows everything about me. and he still likes me.
thunderbolt city.
i am now learning that life fully with jesus, with all the ups and downs and questions without answers and challenge and intensity and quietness and general collage of contradiction, is so much better than the last six weeks or so, probably more, of bland, quietly-corrupted, self-absorbed, prayer-less unholy holiday....it really has been rather alot longer than six weeks, too......there have been moments, where i have wanted to know god, and been temporarily committed to that idea, never really gaining enough speed with it for it to be mistaken for pursuit. but i do not want moments anymore. i want whole afternoons, days, weeks and decades of walking with god. enoch managed 300 years of walking with the lord. imagine.
i know i have made statements of intent, and rash promises, on these very pages enough times before, so i am not about to do that again today. but i do want to break this cursed cycle of a jesus-less autumn, because it is, after all, my favourite time of year, and you should always be with those you want to love the most at your favourite time of year.
look at it! just look outside - shiny and blue and clean and freakin cold - my all-time favourite weather......
hats on people, mitten up, its time to read the bible....
miércoles, noviembre 01, 2006
jueves, octubre 26, 2006
jueves, junio 29, 2006
all these things that i've done...
gosh i am so sorry for being such a crsp blogger....there are all kinds of blogger awards these days you know, i'd like to nominate myself for least consistent, but sadly i think there are quite a few of us who could be in the running for that one these days...!
well i am doing seperate posts for each recent event that is worthy of note...not sure why
on a whim, i suppose
lots of love and all apologies...
loveanna xx x x x x x
well i am doing seperate posts for each recent event that is worthy of note...not sure why
on a whim, i suppose
lots of love and all apologies...
loveanna xx x x x x x
went to the lakes with cate and timmo and russell and caleb and hope....
five get eaten alive..
five go to the lakes for less than 12 hours...
five manage to avoid getting fined a thousand pounds each for having an illegal fire...! (caleb let on about that one about ten minutes after us all getting comfty round the fire...!)
five realise on the way home they they are actually six, if the blyton standard is being used, since timmy in the original Five was, in fact, a dog....
anyway the whole thing was lots of fun and remember cate's handy hint everyone, eat more marmite and you can remain smug and unbitten like she and i...!
thanks guys it was brill
five get eaten alive..
five go to the lakes for less than 12 hours...
five manage to avoid getting fined a thousand pounds each for having an illegal fire...! (caleb let on about that one about ten minutes after us all getting comfty round the fire...!)
five realise on the way home they they are actually six, if the blyton standard is being used, since timmy in the original Five was, in fact, a dog....
anyway the whole thing was lots of fun and remember cate's handy hint everyone, eat more marmite and you can remain smug and unbitten like she and i...!
thanks guys it was brill
have bene shocked by how much i have enjoyed the world cup so far...not been getting carried away, and certainly am maintaining staunch realism about england's slim chances of being good enough to win it, but nonetheless am firmly in the spirit of the thing, and am therefore suffering from Wimbledon Tedium Syndrome since tennis is, frankly, shit watching after football, which is turn is still a slightly poor summertime subsitute for rubgy, but i shan't moan about that because i shall get yelled at or some other such rubbish but anyway, i am enjoying it
and no-one is more surprised than me....!
and no-one is more surprised than me....!
so i finished my ten-week-work embargo...i knew about a week before that god was saying to fight my way out of it and to ensure that i had done what the time had been set aside for me to do...so the aforementioned joy dawson book was a big help, and i ended the happy, sunny days of lunch club, afternoons with fran, stoop-sitting, house-painting, house-cleaning, oswald-reading and penny (as in money, not mrs w)-saving and opted for the miraculous employment which is detailed below....
i would like now to offer a huge and hug-ful thank you to those who fed, prayed with, sat with and suburbed with me during the ten weeks that would have been alot harder if god had just put me to task in them and not allowed it to be such fun...emma, fran, matt, kat and josh, penny and the girls, iain, cate, mattie...! all good day-time pals at times, at the time, merci beaucoup, mes amies....
big thanks, too, to the sun, for making me brown in my unemployment....it sure was worth it...
and to the lord for the gift of being fed and looked after while not earning, and for the lessons along the way....
i would like now to offer a huge and hug-ful thank you to those who fed, prayed with, sat with and suburbed with me during the ten weeks that would have been alot harder if god had just put me to task in them and not allowed it to be such fun...emma, fran, matt, kat and josh, penny and the girls, iain, cate, mattie...! all good day-time pals at times, at the time, merci beaucoup, mes amies....
big thanks, too, to the sun, for making me brown in my unemployment....it sure was worth it...
and to the lord for the gift of being fed and looked after while not earning, and for the lessons along the way....
besides which i got a better idea... .....after the sheer madness of the -european urban cultures ma- idea, which was brought swiftly and painlessly to a close by the pienaars and their shrewd and honest questioning one aftenroon about the time i last posted (mrs p-this is absurd, why would you, you, want to study cities?! you've never been about cities! it makes no sense!-), (tom-so come on then, what do you want? what do you really want to do?!, no more dumbing yourself down and finding the easy ideas, what do you want to do , because we think you're capable-). something wierd happened that afternoon, where i honestly said the things that, intelligence, training and money aside, i actually wish i were doing with my life. and they let me think it....they added to it and questioned parts of it. and it all comes back to advocacy.... so they went away that evening, and i went to my room and prayed away a spirit of distraction in my life, which had lead me originally to the absurd european cultures idea...so that was gone, in a flash. then that evening, i wrote The List. I will write The List on here one day when i have a bit more time, but for me it was, over a bottle of pinot grigio and a couple of rollies, the greatest release of truthful ideas about me that i can remember letting happen. it was ace...the things i want to do, see and become, the things i know i am called to and the ways i want most to be effective and loving. i recommend personal, insightful list-writing. that very same night, when The List was done, I found out about The Job
which is now mine, after praying, fasting, applying, interviewing and more praying, its mine. I, as of july 24th will work at moutard arbre and boy am i nervous, but also thrilled to have such a brilliant opportunity to learn, and to use the skills that i know i have, but have never got to use before in work cos of having shite jobs since i left university....
thanks jesus, you know i'm gonna need you for this one, right....?
thanks jesus, you know i'm gonna need you for this one, right....?
also i have been listening long and often to the -human- album by nitin sawhney, which i bought as soon as i heard it was out, a couple of years ago, and for some bizarre reason have never actually got round to listening to it. cate played it on her puter at sal's the other week, and i kept finding myself tuning out of conversations, listening intently to this music coming out to the garden from the lounge....after a while i gave up attempts at concentration on other things and went and sat me down right by the stereo, leaving everyone outside and happy just to listen to such beautiful songs.
i realise it is far from new, but to my own ears, it is the best new thing they have heard for a very long time.
i realise it is far from new, but to my own ears, it is the best new thing they have heard for a very long time.
another Thing is that i have been working at the salford foyer...whic means a supported housing project for young people...which means kids that are all young and have either been homeless or in care or just thrown out of home.....when i am there, i feel the most southern, the most posh, the most schooled and the most irrelevant and sometimes ignorant i have ever felt in one combination of a seven-and-a-half hour day. this combination is unnervingly and constantly good for me. the timing of this job is one of the most crazy signs of god's miraculous provision, and also, again, a huge indication that he doesn't ever just want us to work soley to make money but also to strech us, show up our weaknesses, make friends with people...learn lots of things...he sure thinks of everything!
jueves, junio 01, 2006
book house rules..
so i went to buxton with sal on saturday..indeed, i hear you cry -hurrah!- the return of the super sal saturday, no need for incriminating surnames or entirely transparent child-proof code...
the saturday returned...
having stayed up til four with da costa and the exiting hair-twists, i was weary..we made it over in time for may to do the hair, i consulted with may about the colours and all looked to be well...i set off on my own small tour of the town i have now been to twice....i remembered where everything was, i know, very unlike me, and generally mooched around....i had that lovely sensation of....being out in the really rather cold, knowing that any minute now, i shall be indoors, with coffee and cake..and hopefully a cigarette..and definitely a book....little did i know the further delights that awaited me....
i went first to catherine and pete's, and was half-sad, half-happy to find they were out...
mooching on round the hill further i found a place named scrivener''s bookshop. and oh the joy and wonder....rivalled in recent times only by the green necklace of same.
all books are second hand (i heard a lady ask the old man, mr scrivener, one assumes, -do you only sell second hand books?- -if we can help it, yes- he replied, not knowing if she could really see the tiny corner-mouth smile that gave away the humour underneath the solemnity). when i later handed over my henry james book for paying he asked if i would be reading it aloud in an american accent, as he imagined that would help......i liked the old man so much that i was a bit flustered and murmered something about that not helping and left.....in between the arriving and the buying though, i went to the first floor.....
it was named the fiction and children's floor....so i pottered...i also spied coffee cups on tables...and something like cake under a cake-covering thing..and a girl who looked so far through her book that she must surely have worked there...turns out she did, and after laughing at my gasping at her good fortune to work in such a place, she made me coffee and got me some cake and all for one-pounds-fifty-pence....i thought perhaps the day could get no better...it did..she left...and then i had the whole higgledy-piggledy room, books falling everywhere, all book-smelling and old..to my big fat self and i got the sofa and then i was in an alcove, surrounded on three sides by books, and eating my cake and reading henry james...
done, settled
and then the next thing, my head was aware of familiar things around me, colours of book spines and words jumping out at me...i looked harder and found that the three sides of books around me in my alcove were no ordinary three sides of books, but three sides of books all written by enid blyton.......well, you can imagine! -up the faraway tree- was in my hand in a flash and then it was like 1989 and i was as happy as the 1989 version of myself....or maybe more.
so there you have it. my book cost me two pounds, the hour on the sofa one pound fifty for cofee and cake. you can get to buxton with sal anytime she's due a haircut....just tell her her hair looks a mess and convince her she should go back to see may, but only ever on a tuesday or saturday ten while four because that's when the girl is there with the cake and coffee....k?
brill....
anyway it was a right special treat of a time in the book shop....and lunch was lovely with sal and her new hair..and the drive back with stoney on the i-pod in the car going over the hills was lovelier still.....
saturdays.......good thinking god...
the saturday returned...
having stayed up til four with da costa and the exiting hair-twists, i was weary..we made it over in time for may to do the hair, i consulted with may about the colours and all looked to be well...i set off on my own small tour of the town i have now been to twice....i remembered where everything was, i know, very unlike me, and generally mooched around....i had that lovely sensation of....being out in the really rather cold, knowing that any minute now, i shall be indoors, with coffee and cake..and hopefully a cigarette..and definitely a book....little did i know the further delights that awaited me....
i went first to catherine and pete's, and was half-sad, half-happy to find they were out...
mooching on round the hill further i found a place named scrivener''s bookshop. and oh the joy and wonder....rivalled in recent times only by the green necklace of same.
all books are second hand (i heard a lady ask the old man, mr scrivener, one assumes, -do you only sell second hand books?- -if we can help it, yes- he replied, not knowing if she could really see the tiny corner-mouth smile that gave away the humour underneath the solemnity). when i later handed over my henry james book for paying he asked if i would be reading it aloud in an american accent, as he imagined that would help......i liked the old man so much that i was a bit flustered and murmered something about that not helping and left.....in between the arriving and the buying though, i went to the first floor.....
it was named the fiction and children's floor....so i pottered...i also spied coffee cups on tables...and something like cake under a cake-covering thing..and a girl who looked so far through her book that she must surely have worked there...turns out she did, and after laughing at my gasping at her good fortune to work in such a place, she made me coffee and got me some cake and all for one-pounds-fifty-pence....i thought perhaps the day could get no better...it did..she left...and then i had the whole higgledy-piggledy room, books falling everywhere, all book-smelling and old..to my big fat self and i got the sofa and then i was in an alcove, surrounded on three sides by books, and eating my cake and reading henry james...
done, settled
and then the next thing, my head was aware of familiar things around me, colours of book spines and words jumping out at me...i looked harder and found that the three sides of books around me in my alcove were no ordinary three sides of books, but three sides of books all written by enid blyton.......well, you can imagine! -up the faraway tree- was in my hand in a flash and then it was like 1989 and i was as happy as the 1989 version of myself....or maybe more.
so there you have it. my book cost me two pounds, the hour on the sofa one pound fifty for cofee and cake. you can get to buxton with sal anytime she's due a haircut....just tell her her hair looks a mess and convince her she should go back to see may, but only ever on a tuesday or saturday ten while four because that's when the girl is there with the cake and coffee....k?
brill....
anyway it was a right special treat of a time in the book shop....and lunch was lovely with sal and her new hair..and the drive back with stoney on the i-pod in the car going over the hills was lovelier still.....
saturdays.......good thinking god...
miércoles, mayo 31, 2006
joy..
dawson wrote the book i am reading today..
it is named -forever ruined for the ordinary-
i feel like i should have read it years ago
today, however is a new day, and required a new book.
more shall be explained of the day and its newness, when it is over..ie, tomorrow..for now, rejoice in the newness of the day...for it is almost june....and birthdays shall then abound......
hurrah
hope you are well
loveanna x x x x x xx x
it is named -forever ruined for the ordinary-
i feel like i should have read it years ago
today, however is a new day, and required a new book.
more shall be explained of the day and its newness, when it is over..ie, tomorrow..for now, rejoice in the newness of the day...for it is almost june....and birthdays shall then abound......
hurrah
hope you are well
loveanna x x x x x xx x
jueves, mayo 25, 2006
the smell of spain..
is something like a (bear with me..) mixture of.....
cleaning fluids
really strong cigarettes
cigar smoke
coffee
garlic
fish
put that all together, and you get the smell of spain
i miss it.
we did top five places last night, and i find my eyes wandering today...praza obradoiro....my balconia...celine's room on a rainy day...milk in bags...the naked beach...the red moon...long bus journeys...the tree-house (i can't spell arboritorium....i know, i know that's not the word..what is the word...?) in barcelona...tibidabo....jaume I...calle de los semoleres....the goat on the ladder...all just memories...but save for the goat, and celine, i could see them all if i went back...i could be in them and they could entertain and inspire me....
i think that manchester has been reduced to being entertaining and inspiring only via the people i see in it..and love in it...(again...)
i didn't want this....i wanted to see it behind the people i love here and love it for what it would still be if they weren't here...is that dumb? naive maybe? needless?
it can't be needless, otherwise i'd never -no-one would ever- go anywhere new, unless they were running away....
naive...maybe.....it might not be possible to love a place without it being largely because of its people...not for a friend-need-ful creature like me anyway....
so i'd very much like to love the place itself more for just being itself....i was getting there, i think..a while back.....but without work, its harder to love..not because of money, but because you are disconnected from it, its routines and its pursuits...
i'm not talking about not loving people here anymore! i'm just sayin, you know....how to love manchester? when its so busy not being spain...? people i met while working on peaceweek stuff.....they are sold, sold on manchester...their kids have been shot, cousins killed, but they're not going anywhere....they refuse to give up on the place....they love it like its part of them....and they work their asses off to see it healed and calmed and matured....
there's no way i can dream of doing the course if i can't get that kind of hope for a city...
ready now lord,. come on, hope me up....
cleaning fluids
really strong cigarettes
cigar smoke
coffee
garlic
fish
put that all together, and you get the smell of spain
i miss it.
we did top five places last night, and i find my eyes wandering today...praza obradoiro....my balconia...celine's room on a rainy day...milk in bags...the naked beach...the red moon...long bus journeys...the tree-house (i can't spell arboritorium....i know, i know that's not the word..what is the word...?) in barcelona...tibidabo....jaume I...calle de los semoleres....the goat on the ladder...all just memories...but save for the goat, and celine, i could see them all if i went back...i could be in them and they could entertain and inspire me....
i think that manchester has been reduced to being entertaining and inspiring only via the people i see in it..and love in it...(again...)
i didn't want this....i wanted to see it behind the people i love here and love it for what it would still be if they weren't here...is that dumb? naive maybe? needless?
it can't be needless, otherwise i'd never -no-one would ever- go anywhere new, unless they were running away....
naive...maybe.....it might not be possible to love a place without it being largely because of its people...not for a friend-need-ful creature like me anyway....
so i'd very much like to love the place itself more for just being itself....i was getting there, i think..a while back.....but without work, its harder to love..not because of money, but because you are disconnected from it, its routines and its pursuits...
i'm not talking about not loving people here anymore! i'm just sayin, you know....how to love manchester? when its so busy not being spain...? people i met while working on peaceweek stuff.....they are sold, sold on manchester...their kids have been shot, cousins killed, but they're not going anywhere....they refuse to give up on the place....they love it like its part of them....and they work their asses off to see it healed and calmed and matured....
there's no way i can dream of doing the course if i can't get that kind of hope for a city...
ready now lord,. come on, hope me up....
martes, mayo 23, 2006
subterfuge..i think..
subterfuge is a new word which i just learned from fran.
she's so smart
it means secrecy...or something like being stealthy....so i like it....not that secrecy is particularly great...but stealth..is a grand word..
so anyway...in the words of the gils -a good weekend all round for gloucester and munster, ding dong!-
never a truer word...
indeed, for munster won the heineken cup, and the o'brien boys were all in cardiff to see it, without poor lucy who gave up her chance to go in favour of her nephews..
what a gem...a tiny tiny gem...
i went to doncaster on saturday, which was,.....east...
and then on sunday i went to sally's.....the parsnips were the highlight, for me anyway..although the ballot over which pudding was nailbiting, another highlight...and on the way walking home i realised that sympathy for the devil, on my headphones, could in fact walk me about two-thirds of the way home, its such a comically long song....well done there..
last night (this is where the post actually gets vaguely interesting...promise...)
i went to see jason mraz.....
i'll level with you...he's hot....and funny, and can sing and wear pink and is generally of the lovliness.....his band were brill too, the big djembe guy was back and i've never seen an acoustic bass before, but apparently that's what it was......that was good...he didn't even sing my two favourite songs of his, but the whole darn thing was still wonderous....big hands after with cate and the lovely mattie....joyous days of lounging around with those two are looming...
ooooh the other highlight of the last few days, i watched eight mile....with boys who are faaaaaaaaar to easily influenced and thereafter attempted to have a -battle- of their own in the lounge.....fran and i opted out.....not only of the battle, but the lounge...the house...the neighbourhood.....oh the shame.....
ok i should stop now.....this is still dull.....i just missed blogging though, its been a whole week...sorry....love you
she's so smart
it means secrecy...or something like being stealthy....so i like it....not that secrecy is particularly great...but stealth..is a grand word..
so anyway...in the words of the gils -a good weekend all round for gloucester and munster, ding dong!-
never a truer word...
indeed, for munster won the heineken cup, and the o'brien boys were all in cardiff to see it, without poor lucy who gave up her chance to go in favour of her nephews..
what a gem...a tiny tiny gem...
i went to doncaster on saturday, which was,.....east...
and then on sunday i went to sally's.....the parsnips were the highlight, for me anyway..although the ballot over which pudding was nailbiting, another highlight...and on the way walking home i realised that sympathy for the devil, on my headphones, could in fact walk me about two-thirds of the way home, its such a comically long song....well done there..
last night (this is where the post actually gets vaguely interesting...promise...)
i went to see jason mraz.....
i'll level with you...he's hot....and funny, and can sing and wear pink and is generally of the lovliness.....his band were brill too, the big djembe guy was back and i've never seen an acoustic bass before, but apparently that's what it was......that was good...he didn't even sing my two favourite songs of his, but the whole darn thing was still wonderous....big hands after with cate and the lovely mattie....joyous days of lounging around with those two are looming...
ooooh the other highlight of the last few days, i watched eight mile....with boys who are faaaaaaaaar to easily influenced and thereafter attempted to have a -battle- of their own in the lounge.....fran and i opted out.....not only of the battle, but the lounge...the house...the neighbourhood.....oh the shame.....
ok i should stop now.....this is still dull.....i just missed blogging though, its been a whole week...sorry....love you
miércoles, mayo 17, 2006
hurrrrumph...
am awake. its two in the stupid morning, and i had a gin too many this evening on an empty stomach, then a pint...went to bed thinking -huh, am slightly squiffy, still had no supper, be snorin in no time-
humph.
hangover hit early due to said lack of food.
ah, age...what a wonderfully debilitating(sp?) thing...
well none of you needed to know any of this, but hey, i haven''t been to sleep yet, which means its technically still tuesday, which technically means.....
three posts in one day...!
who'd have thought the old girl had it in her...?
liz and tim -and probably sal- i now consider myself to have joined the three-in-ones....
still humph though
humph.
hangover hit early due to said lack of food.
ah, age...what a wonderfully debilitating(sp?) thing...
well none of you needed to know any of this, but hey, i haven''t been to sleep yet, which means its technically still tuesday, which technically means.....
three posts in one day...!
who'd have thought the old girl had it in her...?
liz and tim -and probably sal- i now consider myself to have joined the three-in-ones....
still humph though
martes, mayo 16, 2006
a murder of one..
crap i forgot..
i have, while home, initiated myself into the canny and all-new world of scrubs...
no, not the wearing of them, the watching of the show
at the behest of nick, iain, and others, i have given in, laughed along, and admitted it is brilliant
this lunchtime's episode just timed itself out with -a murder of one- from august and everything after by the crows...
what a show
ps sal loves zack braff the most...
pps..that aside, the song of my shire holiday so far has been and right now is -banquet- by bloc party..
pps..ok i know i'm pushing it now...but the other song, that i have been mostly listening to, is -she's so high- by blur..from leisure..it is such a good song, and in fact, so good that i described it as -fit- to fiona and she agreed. we love it...get it, you ituners...go on...its -fit-
i have, while home, initiated myself into the canny and all-new world of scrubs...
no, not the wearing of them, the watching of the show
at the behest of nick, iain, and others, i have given in, laughed along, and admitted it is brilliant
this lunchtime's episode just timed itself out with -a murder of one- from august and everything after by the crows...
what a show
ps sal loves zack braff the most...
pps..that aside, the song of my shire holiday so far has been and right now is -banquet- by bloc party..
pps..ok i know i'm pushing it now...but the other song, that i have been mostly listening to, is -she's so high- by blur..from leisure..it is such a good song, and in fact, so good that i described it as -fit- to fiona and she agreed. we love it...get it, you ituners...go on...its -fit-
ruby tuesday..
so since last writing, i have..
{in fact, before i start, may i say that i have just re-read this post through before posting..and concluded that i sound drunk...i would like to assure you i am not...apologies..}
attended and behaved at the family "do" for uncle mike's sixtieth..
managed to avoid (til five minutes ago) my mum finding out that i smoke again sometimes....pesky filters, they get everywhere...
read two blogs that have been showing off about seeing dave matthews (each live and direct at a different location)
found a few more jobs
ooh went out and danced the night away with rob and amy, and their friend hot rod, who was delightful and danced rather like vic reeves, who it turns out i may have always secretly fancied...
oooh! good one: pink has a song out called who knew......
watched an episode of due south
watched an episode of quantum leap
(those damn extra itv channels clearly getting the better of this tv-deprived girl...)
ok bored of the list now....
am enjoying my time away from manchester, but missing it slightly, mainly missing my bed...and lunch club...
but joy!: tomorrow i head for london, and there shall i stay while thursday morning, when i shall head north along with miss mcwatson of the loveliness
and there, on thursday evening,we shall attend the osbourne....any and all takers are most welcome...
having left my staighteners behind, my hair is quite a sight, i can tell you...its about to suffocate me....i am off to calm it...
hasta luego tios, cuidados, y nos vemos pronto..bueno, vale......adios x x x
{in fact, before i start, may i say that i have just re-read this post through before posting..and concluded that i sound drunk...i would like to assure you i am not...apologies..}
attended and behaved at the family "do" for uncle mike's sixtieth..
managed to avoid (til five minutes ago) my mum finding out that i smoke again sometimes....pesky filters, they get everywhere...
read two blogs that have been showing off about seeing dave matthews (each live and direct at a different location)
found a few more jobs
ooh went out and danced the night away with rob and amy, and their friend hot rod, who was delightful and danced rather like vic reeves, who it turns out i may have always secretly fancied...
oooh! good one: pink has a song out called who knew......
watched an episode of due south
watched an episode of quantum leap
(those damn extra itv channels clearly getting the better of this tv-deprived girl...)
ok bored of the list now....
am enjoying my time away from manchester, but missing it slightly, mainly missing my bed...and lunch club...
but joy!: tomorrow i head for london, and there shall i stay while thursday morning, when i shall head north along with miss mcwatson of the loveliness
and there, on thursday evening,we shall attend the osbourne....any and all takers are most welcome...
having left my staighteners behind, my hair is quite a sight, i can tell you...its about to suffocate me....i am off to calm it...
hasta luego tios, cuidados, y nos vemos pronto..bueno, vale......adios x x x
sábado, mayo 13, 2006
there really isn't...
i got back here to the shire earlier...and i am now blogging, simply to say, that i am excited that when i wake in the morning, i can know that when i come downstairs in pyjamas, for tea and toast, i will go out the back door, i will turn around and there i will see my pink house...i will take a picture of its pinkness for you and attempt to put the picture on here...i've never done that before...but, see, i got home in the dark, as i usually do on trips home...and so the pink is lost..til the sun comes up....no-one else i know lives in a pink house...
i win
i win
miércoles, mayo 10, 2006
no place like home..?
last night, girl prayer..
i enjoyed it, a lot.....i love singing with the girls, god came along..there was a lot of love..
post girl prayer, still sitting, still kind of praying....i found myself in a room with the ever-lovely nicole, lady da costa, catelin and emma cowan....
i looked at those last three, those wanderers returned, and marvelled slightly...
and they talked about feeling at home without a home, and i thought about what an amazing idea it is to be found, fully, in jesus, to make your home in him.....they none of them are of a fixed abode right now, and having been there, like most of us have, they talked, we all smiled and nodded, its all kind of familiar...but every time it happens to us, that we aren't very well tethered, we get to choose to burrow into god again and find rest and homelyness and a settled place....and then i realised that we do that settledness for eachother too, that we are part of what is home to eachother...this is all a bit gushy and sounds kind of trite, but its when you realise the truth in these cliched things that you lose a bit more cynicism, i think...so there it is....those three women, travelled the length and width of the world between them in the last year, and now are back with us, and i'm so glad.....welcome home my loves..
i enjoyed it, a lot.....i love singing with the girls, god came along..there was a lot of love..
post girl prayer, still sitting, still kind of praying....i found myself in a room with the ever-lovely nicole, lady da costa, catelin and emma cowan....
i looked at those last three, those wanderers returned, and marvelled slightly...
and they talked about feeling at home without a home, and i thought about what an amazing idea it is to be found, fully, in jesus, to make your home in him.....they none of them are of a fixed abode right now, and having been there, like most of us have, they talked, we all smiled and nodded, its all kind of familiar...but every time it happens to us, that we aren't very well tethered, we get to choose to burrow into god again and find rest and homelyness and a settled place....and then i realised that we do that settledness for eachother too, that we are part of what is home to eachother...this is all a bit gushy and sounds kind of trite, but its when you realise the truth in these cliched things that you lose a bit more cynicism, i think...so there it is....those three women, travelled the length and width of the world between them in the last year, and now are back with us, and i'm so glad.....welcome home my loves..
martes, mayo 02, 2006
on being loved..
in cahoots at the kitchen table with da costa the other day, i realised that i have never really had a time of not knowing i am loved. this is perhaps a strange thing to try and talk about, but you know, i'd kind of like to try,....
we were in one of those days of talking and listening where certain things end up with you getting to the bottom of them, and going huh...who knew.....for me it was the age-old and ninety-five-percent dealt with problems of being unattractive, or my own perceptions of that....its not something i really think or worry about these days, as i mentioned before, its ninety-five percent gone....and i love being free of it....thanks jesus...anywho.....the deal was that i figured out that unlike a lot of people who feel worried or sad that they might never 'meet someone', they fear that they are wholly unloveable, or just unworthy of love...yadda ya....not me, i know i'm loved.....my dad is my greatest fan, he loves and helps me be loved, he compliments without reserve and is the only person i know who makes sure he gets enough hugs in a day, from whoever is nearest. he's always been him, since i was me.....and partly because of him, i don't doubt that i am loved.....my sister too, loves me in her laugh, and in her calling me nana, and in her telling me off...my brother calls me darlin only when he is drunk, and still picks me up sometimes, just because he can....and because i hate it....he lets me ask him questions about him and who he wants to be...i don't think he lets anyone else,....his hugs are magnificent, like being hugged by treebeard himself, only not.....see, even in those first two years of high school, when no-one knows who their friends are, no-one likes themself very much, and certainly feeling loved by friends isn't all that common...i still had these people there all the time....when real and good friends did come along, it was kind of a bonus....and now my real and good friends are as much family to me as those in the shire.........
the five percent that remains is about boys, and me...me and boys....as a few of you know, i've been thinking about guys more in the last six months than never, really...and not in a oh god just let me be married.....way. i hope.....but in a...huh, being in love...interesting....kind of a way...its god's five percent to deal with, but he seems pretty sure that it won't go until the single status is changed....but he's readying me for it to be changed...its hard to feel this stuff without feeling the dread of the five percent.....the dread of being told no, the dread of being laughed at.....the dread of being picked last...of it, in the end, just being true that you really are unattractive.....but do you know, i'm having this thing with god right now where the last few weeks, during which my heart has felt rather full and sometimes horribly heavy, there is a balancing thing happening, where i'm checking in with god every day, and can honestly say, 'te quiero mas hoy que ayer....which kind of means i love you more today than yesterday.....so really, even if all comes crashing down and i get wounded or as the kid in love actually says, i get the shit kicked of me by love, my heart will have grown, and grown towards god.....
in oswald today, he was right for the first time in months, in saying....our reach must always exceed our grasp.....ie, ask for more of god than you already have....it sounds kind of elementary, but its actually a huge push for me, because i want that to keep on being true, i want to keep being able to say te quiero mas hoy que ayer....
this is, as anticipated, a very strange post....i'm not sorry..i think i've become less honest on here so far this year, and for that i'm sorry....this jumble doesn't exactly make up for it, but here it is...
we were in one of those days of talking and listening where certain things end up with you getting to the bottom of them, and going huh...who knew.....for me it was the age-old and ninety-five-percent dealt with problems of being unattractive, or my own perceptions of that....its not something i really think or worry about these days, as i mentioned before, its ninety-five percent gone....and i love being free of it....thanks jesus...anywho.....the deal was that i figured out that unlike a lot of people who feel worried or sad that they might never 'meet someone', they fear that they are wholly unloveable, or just unworthy of love...yadda ya....not me, i know i'm loved.....my dad is my greatest fan, he loves and helps me be loved, he compliments without reserve and is the only person i know who makes sure he gets enough hugs in a day, from whoever is nearest. he's always been him, since i was me.....and partly because of him, i don't doubt that i am loved.....my sister too, loves me in her laugh, and in her calling me nana, and in her telling me off...my brother calls me darlin only when he is drunk, and still picks me up sometimes, just because he can....and because i hate it....he lets me ask him questions about him and who he wants to be...i don't think he lets anyone else,....his hugs are magnificent, like being hugged by treebeard himself, only not.....see, even in those first two years of high school, when no-one knows who their friends are, no-one likes themself very much, and certainly feeling loved by friends isn't all that common...i still had these people there all the time....when real and good friends did come along, it was kind of a bonus....and now my real and good friends are as much family to me as those in the shire.........
the five percent that remains is about boys, and me...me and boys....as a few of you know, i've been thinking about guys more in the last six months than never, really...and not in a oh god just let me be married.....way. i hope.....but in a...huh, being in love...interesting....kind of a way...its god's five percent to deal with, but he seems pretty sure that it won't go until the single status is changed....but he's readying me for it to be changed...its hard to feel this stuff without feeling the dread of the five percent.....the dread of being told no, the dread of being laughed at.....the dread of being picked last...of it, in the end, just being true that you really are unattractive.....but do you know, i'm having this thing with god right now where the last few weeks, during which my heart has felt rather full and sometimes horribly heavy, there is a balancing thing happening, where i'm checking in with god every day, and can honestly say, 'te quiero mas hoy que ayer....which kind of means i love you more today than yesterday.....so really, even if all comes crashing down and i get wounded or as the kid in love actually says, i get the shit kicked of me by love, my heart will have grown, and grown towards god.....
in oswald today, he was right for the first time in months, in saying....our reach must always exceed our grasp.....ie, ask for more of god than you already have....it sounds kind of elementary, but its actually a huge push for me, because i want that to keep on being true, i want to keep being able to say te quiero mas hoy que ayer....
this is, as anticipated, a very strange post....i'm not sorry..i think i've become less honest on here so far this year, and for that i'm sorry....this jumble doesn't exactly make up for it, but here it is...
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