and, to accompany that, one of the best things you could spend a day or two reading..

sunday kitchen..

is there a happier, more content man in the world than rolf harris?
seriously, i ask you....
on sunday, two wonderful things happened..
1) i made stew. i have never made stew before, i have never even bought the kind of beef that one buys in order to make stew before. but make stew i did, and may i say (i'm hoping sal will appear at some point to back me up...) it was the nicest food i have ever made. i shall be making more...
2) i watched, while the stew was doing that slow, sunday cooking thing and i was having a sly g+t, a programme that basically showed you why rolf harris is the happiest man in the world. i was amazed. the man has literally gone about creating this life for himself where he gets to do all the things he loves doing, and call it work. he has gone from music to art and animals and australia to england and back round them all again, being endlessly enthused and grin-inducingly animated. my dad is kind of like that, gets very enthused...he kind of looks like him too....maybe that's why i love the guy even though he's kind of wierd and a bit past it...! anyway rolf's cartoon club fascinated me as a child, seeing from ten lines on a bit of paper suddenly a giraffe or a cat or a zebra....what fun! kids tv is shit now, but that was pure and genius.
rolf, i salute thee, old man!
i had such a lovely manchester weekend..cate's on friday with pizza and wine....we are so classy....russell and dc and farewells to her for the next while as she's off to the man once more....and my new jason mraz cds finally came, all the way from amewica..! then le samedi i saw the gils for lunch and the wenhams for dinner, while ensconced in (gasp - not pw, surely!!) harry potter and the (still the best one..) prisoner of azkeban (sp?). a very enjoyable watch, although did anyone ever do more pre-empting and questioning and surmising during a film than those two...it was very fun....! the chicken a la grainy mustard was a right treat too,....colsossians with eggs and denno on dimanche au matin....generally a good week for food in my house....!hurrah!
i'm telling you, never was a weekend of non-events so quietly enjoyable..

genesis one..

i am so so enjoying bible study chez knox on a thursday night...
ray mears...no, the other one...is doing his bible lecture thing on the webbernet, and is a vastly intelligent and ever-so-english old man, who i think is hilarious....we listen to him ramble on and after 45 minutes say, "so, to genesis one..."
i haven't enjoyed sitting around to talk about the bible this much since the old soloman grundy mondays with gribbo, and it is large part due to the fact that we are learning to differ gracefully.....
a few years ago, it felt like we were all playing catch-up....got to keep up with the thinking on such-and-such...or, well, if they all think it....or got to concede that such a person will always know more about ---than me.......but now, i think we have been grown to be more gracious to eachother in the small but significant ways that we disagree about god...to the point where i think we are now much more willing to learn from eachother in humbleness than we are eager to be right, and publicly so...
i love my jesus family here, truly, and this for me is a thoroughly of-the-lord weekly family time together.....gracias a todo....!

Daily Meditation for January 5, 2007

The following was written by Henri Nouwen (the Morning Dose of Henri awaits many of us these days I'm sure, in our inboxes, grinning away at us, saying read, read...! and here's is today's offering..it deserved to be shared..)

_........................................................._

Living the Moment to the Fullest

Patience is a hard discipline. It is not just waiting until something happens over which we have no control: the arrival of the bus, the end of the rain, the return of a friend, the resolution of a conflict. Patience is not a waiting passivity until someone else does something. Patience asks us to live the moment to the fullest, to be completely present to the moment, to taste the here and now, to be where we are. When we are impatient we try to get away from where we are. We behave as if the real thing will happen tomorrow, later and somewhere else. Let's be patient and trust that the treasure we look for is hidden in the ground on which we stand.

(get your own, here...)

mastermind...

jesus, i have no doubt, is the smartest man who ever lived. not because he invented things, although i'm sure he had a hand in creation somewhere....! but because he did the best thing for the kingdom at all times. and that means the best thing for all of us in the end. i should say that's the very definition of smart.
what i don't get is, how with so many christians living on the earth right now, each one with their own unique piece of the perspective puzzzle, that once fitted together would surely mean jesus could be seen and known.......even with all that.....and so much grace flying around....and such all-reaching methods of communicating news and ideas....and such access to the political arena.......and a holy spirit gagging to be let out into the world through our inconsistent kindness and broken bravery........even after all that has been afforded us in the here, now and present, this is still the state of things.......


CrisisWatch N°41
2 January 2007

Ten actual or potential conflict situations around the world deteriorated in December 2006, according to the new issue of CrisisWatch,* released today.

In Somalia, full-scale war erupted between the Council of Somali Islamic Courts and the Ethiopian-backed Transitional Federal Government, with fighting estimated to have killed hundreds of people and displaced tens of thousands. In Darfur, the humanitarian and security situation deteriorated while international negotiations continued over the deployment of a strengthened peacekeeping force.

The Occupied Territories saw their worst factional clashes in a decade as Fatah and Hamas battled over the formation of a unity government. Tensions over Iran's nuclear program rose after the UN Security Council voted unanimously to impose sanctions.

The sudden death of Turkmenistan's authoritarian leader, Saparmurat Niyazov, prompted fears of a destabilising struggle to fill the power vacuum left behind. In Fiji, the government of Laisenia Qarase was deposed by military commander Frank Bainimarama in a bloodless coup. The situation also deteriorated in the Basque Country, Bolivia, Egypt and Kyrgyzstan.

One situation showed improvement in December. In Guinea, supporters of President Conte and the opposition reached consensus on conditions for organising legislative elections in June 2007.

For January 2007, CrisisWatch identifies Lebanon as a Conflict Risk Alert, or situation at particular risk of new or significantly escalated conflict in the coming month. A Conflict Resolution Opportunity is identified for Uganda.

DECEMBER 2006 TRENDS

Deteriorated Situations
Basque Country (Spain), Bolivia, Egypt, Fiji, Iran, Israel/Occupied Territories, Kyrgyzstan, Somalia, Sudan, Turkmenistan

Improved Situations
Guinea

Unchanged Situations
Afghanistan, Albania, Algeria, Angola, Armenia, Azerbaijan, Bahrain, Bangladesh, Belarus, Bosnia & Herzegovina, Burkina Faso, Burundi, Central African Republic, Chad, Chechnya (Russia), Colombia, Comoros Islands, Côte d'Ivoire, Cyprus, Democratic Republic of Congo, Ecuador, Ethiopia, Ethiopia/Eritrea, Georgia, Haiti, Indonesia, Iraq, India (non-Kashmir), Kashmir, Kazakhstan, Kosovo, Lebanon, Liberia, Macedonia, Madagascar, Mauritania, Moldova, Myanmar/Burma, Nagorno-Karabakh (Azerbaijan), Nepal, Nigeria, North Caucasus (non-Chechnya), North Korea, Northern Ireland (UK), Pakistan, Peru, Philippines, Rwanda, Saudi Arabia, Senegal, Serbia, Sierra Leone, Solomon Islands, Somaliland (Somalia), Sri Lanka, Syria, Taiwan Strait, Tajikistan, Thailand, Timor-Leste, Tonga, Turkey, Uganda, Ukraine, Uzbekistan, Venezuela, Western Sahara, Zimbabwe

JANUARY 2007 WATCHLIST

Conflict Resolution Opportunity
Uganda

Conflict Risk Alerts
Lebanon

lost properly...?

a new year's plea...
do anyone have, or have any clues as to the whereabouts of, my...

in books...
shadow of the wind by carlos ruis zafon
the end of poverty by jeffrey sachs
development as freedom by amartya sen
various harry potter books
various dr.angelou books
microserfs by the lovely doug

in music...
old low light by kathryn williams
in between dreams by jack johnson
double 100 hours cd of their two old ones revisited..
killers hot fuss

in dvd...
garden state
high fidelity
reality bites

and oui, oui, before the clamour begins, i am aware that i have....
lou's time-traveller's wife...
lou's bride stripped bare
knoxes' stronger than my heart
george's stuart
penny's iron..and ironing board...and multichef...!

ok, fine i can't remember any more, i'm sure the remainders will come hurtling in...! go easy....

year end..

is it just me or has this year been somewhat colourless...?
i'm not about to moan, but merely to remark that it has been personally rather uneventful and often hard or horrid for some people i know...
i have also laughed alot this year, i have made a new friend in the brilliant katie hall, i have been to lovely weddings and been at least 2nd drunkest at some drunken parties......i gave up smoking, for a long time.....then a slight hint of boy trauma and the filter-tip queen was back on the scene....
i think its basically been one of slight ups and slight downs....which i guess you could say isn't bad, exactly, but not terribly anything..........i have learnt an awful lot from being and remaining in this slightly bland state, however....mainly that god asks to be known and not felt. there is more of this one fact to learn, obviously....but its a start....
i have this year re-discovered the sheer comfty warmth of being entranced by a novel. those few days, or sometime hours, at times weeks, when the thick plot of a story, or the growing familiarity of its characters, or the delight in getting home to find no-one there, just an empty house and a kettle creating the perfect reading room. aaaah, the history of love. i cannot tell of the wonders of that book.
along with nicole krauss i am discovering the merits of the written work of our dear lord himself.....the bible is become a place where i am much more readily at home and enjoying myself. that wasn't at all true in the bad old days of 2005....!
i had one of the most surprising holidays of my life...the trip to belfast and moneymore and lough erne with drago claire and emma. never have three days been so fully streched out..and all for our comfort and joy - and the sun shone! ha sitting on a boat with death of a naturalist! ha!
i would not have dreamt, not seriously anyway, of living on my own in any time prior to now...but that this time last year the same was true of heald place....hey this time next year i could be living in london, that last bastion of places i swore i'd never live....!
i have not written as much as i would have liked this year, especially on here, and for that i am sorry.....
i have colour in my cheeks these days though....i have sidestepped the pastel path of 2006 and am now looking for garish clashes and bold flowers and daring stripes and more shades of green that even i had thought possible...
2007, i await you...colour me an interesting time of it...

holy shire..

its here...the long-awaited friday of homegoing is here....the last day of term, the last friday before christmas, the last waking up early in 2006....the first day of my holidays....!

and here, for your festive enjoyment, is a photo my mother sent me on her flash new phone of what awaits me there...!

evensong..

so last night i left work and had a lovely walk in the dry, nose-reddening cold to the cathedral. they have evensong there at 5, or 5.30 all weekdays....and i had never been before. there were more people in the choir than in the non-choir, and they all knew what to do and when to stand up and when to turn to face the cross and all that stuff. i knew nothing. i realised what a strange and wonderful thing church is when mid-rigmarole, how it makes no sense unless you know.....this, having been precisely why i left catholicism behind me, is why i can't ordinarily now squeeze myself into the routine of organised services...but you know, i think i must be maturing, because the bizzarity of the whole thing struck me as discipline, as order, as quite lifting...it felt like homage...and it was in the cavermous quiet of manchester cathedral, which is like a younger, warmer version of gloucester cathedral...that the half-dozen of us gathered yesterday evening, for the onyl time ever/ would never be in the same room together again, and never have evensong together again four nights before christmas in the year of our lord two thousand and six...
lovely...

fullheartedly..

i have that slightly tingly sensation today. the anticipation of going home, but not just any old going home, nay, going home for christmas....i was talking to someone last night about the love of the train ride home. i'm not actually getting the train this friday, but catching a lift with mark and chrissie....but the southward journey, seeing the stone of buldings become more normal to me, the lie of the land more pleasing to my eye, and names of places less peculiar, the hills and woods more familiar.
and this is where i make my confession....everytime i go home, but even more in the winterly anticipation of christmas....the lines from -anne of the island- come into my head quickly and clearly....it is my favourite one of the six books, as you may know, and still marks so much of the writing that has made me think -if only i could have written this...- but the truth that some of you may also already know, is that the book is emotionally so open that it is cliched to us now.....the lines are on this page...read them if you wish, and forgive me, if you can my hopeless melodrama...but i love her, and on this one, i trust her to say it better than me....

the winter wonderland..

ah, such wonder...
i had ever such a lovely time in wales this weekend!
to all present, i thank thee..to those who for a minute every now and again i wished were there, consider yourself missed....
the drive down, surprisingly, was probably my favourite time...and no wait, the drive back too..! me cate and hattie found ourselves the first to arrive and last to leave - therefore the homemakers and the clear-up committee...both of which were lovely in their own ways...
and i enjoyed very much the company of the wezzles family, seeing caleb so tired he could hardly move but then being so alive whenever we were praying, having mr vino in our collective midst and wondering how we got by without him all those years....seeing the hughes family, much missed round these parts...
i really felt this air of ease, like we really have made it out of the fearful, insecure time of who's better than who or who's doing better with god than who, and who's going to lead things and whatever....it felt very much like we really do just function together now.....not that we're anywhere near writing the book on it, but it really did seem like a family doing things together and everyone pitching in just when they and only they could do their part...
i loved it

joy cometh..

i should offer an apology here....
the last post was whiny and selfish. i was going to delete it, out of embarrassment, but i think it should serve more as a reminder to myself that whiners are wieners and to just remember the following, before writing any such post in the future...
the evening of monday carried on in much the same vein as the daytime...i felt anxious, sad, and mildly lost. i watched tv, pottered at home, and generally let myself feel quite miserable. i spent some time with ben which was nice and also watched the choir, which i have been enjoying very much. however i played evoision with god and put him off and put him off..
bedtime came and i felt as uneasy as i had all day, knowing too that i was now letting -it- whatever it was, really have a hold.
and then i read about 10 psalms, and prayed. i'm not even kidding when i say god entirely came through, showed me truth, offered me peace and i felt life in me again. it hadn't just been 24 hours, really, it had indeed been longer, possibly much longer.
i learned from scratch (again!) that god answers when i actually call. instead of me not calling and him not answering and me getting cross with him (!!!) when he's not at fault but is just waiting for me to say what i want, and to offer my trust just by asking.
quelle idioa, you might say, na....
good one...
thing is, i'm pretty sure this is how it goes..on and on, over and over....but i think i am starting to see that the quicker i react the quicker he responds to me, because fear and doubt don't have so long to creep in.
i'm quite, quite sure that this has all made alot more sense in my head than it has to you, dear reader, but just believe me that things are ok, and i really am sorry for the last post....love you

ill at ease....

sometimes i forget how good i can fake it...
the being ok, and sometimes when i really am not ok, the world around me is entirely convinced, sucked in......i feel ill at ease, quite often these days.......
i feel like even though i am posing no threat, spiritually, to anyone right now, the very fact that i work where i do pleases god and irks the other one, and here i am again with mental wranglings and old fears......
i think my vision of jesus hasn't grown for sometime. its been ages, in fact, since one of those faith-injecting moments with god, or one of those awe-inspiring glimpses of how its all working out because of him....or even just one of those fractions of a second, where you feel him, near and steady, true and undefeated.
i want him to show up in my life soon, again.....part of me thinks, na, you've seen so much, surely that's enough to live on...?! surely you've had more than most people ever think they're allowed to ask for in their whole long lives..!?
but me, i want more. i want to know him who refused to stay dead...the man who lived. to know that that same rope that pulled him out of being dead will also pull me out of where i feel i am.
i also want to know him in the unfeeling, unsensory way...in the solid, authorised version of himself. in the absolute, the irrefutable, the certainty of history, triumph and fact.
i fear i am reaching that point in life when faith should be simmering down, becoming either tidy and polite and organised (rotas for tea duty, kids' work and welcomes...) or non-existent; grown-out-of, or squeezed out by -reality-
i can't do my job with faith like that, and i can't rise above myself with faith like that either.
i sure can't please god with faith like that.
and the double whammy is i can't be happy or at peace either.
start me up god, and lead the way...

the stage is set...

i can now gladly announce that the first in our advent season of winterly film watching will commence this sunday evening at 7pm at my house.
pigface you said somethign about mulled wine...?!
i'll get the stollen and various other things, feel free to bring anything else you'd like, and cushions or blankets if you so wish, as seating is somewhat limited...!
wooooooooohhhhhhhhooooooowwww

vitals..

i love my job. i get to spend some of my time reading up about Things That Ought To Be Read

and today i read this...

Between a 18% to 32% of rough sleepers were once in Local Authority Care as children (Randall and Brown 2001, CHAIN London 2001/02). This compares to national figures which show that only one per cent of all those under 18 have been in care (SEU, July 1998)

you can read it here..

i don't know the local authority care system. and i am not judging it or damning anyone working in it. i still think i would like to work in it myself one day, as a foster parent. but for now its hard to dismiss the kinds of facts avilable about life after care.

shpwp 2006...!!

allllllllriiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiggggggggghhhhhhhhhhhht

so in honour of the late, great smash hits magazine, and its annual feast of a poll winners' party, i have decided to host a poll winners' blog party of my own. (not to be confused with bloc party, although similar in funness..)
the pwp was traditionally held at around this time of year, on a sunday afternoon, and i would be covetous of anyone in attendance. i have lately found that a dear friend of mine once went to it, and i was green with envy!

so anyway, without much further ado, my winners for the year 2006 are.....

best album
the kooks: inside in/inside out
other nominees were...
kathryn williams: old low light
fiona's compilation cd
phil's birthday compilation cd

best song
nitin sawhney: the promise
other nominees were...
josh ritter: you don't make it easy
the kooks: naive
panic! at the disco: build god, then we'll talk
neil mcsweeney: long way round

best gig
jason mraz: the academy
other nominees were...
jason mraz: the apollo (and james blunt!)
the feeling: the academy
the band at claire+anthony's wedding

best dinner
steak with russell at goucho grill
other nominees were...
every evening meal in spain with the hall family
the place near dunham massey with caleb, oria and russell
first meal after daniel fast
iain's salmon risotto

best book
nicole krauss: the history of love
other nominees were...
khaled hosseini: the kite runner
joy dawson: forever ruined for the ordinary
alexander masters: stuart - a life backwards

best new clothes
jeans: asda, £10. i havne't owned jeans since i was 15!)
other nominees were...
mt: brown coat
ireland: black skirt
dorothy: 3 tops the same in different colours!

best new flip-flops
ripcurl: brown
other nominees were...
reef: green + pink
black+whites from mt

best night out
(in mcr) in sept/oct with caleb, russell, matt and fran
(in the shire) nick's birthday at the cafe rene
other nominees were...
new year's eve...it spilled over a good seven hours into 2006..!
with the staff of the blood bank office last week!
the night of fi + lizi's 21st...my word..what a mess that was..!

best surprise
liv turning up for my manchester birthday party
other nominees were...
caleb turning up at my shire party!
laura+paddy turning up at my shire party..
meeting a very beautiful man
enjoying london in february..thanks to liv+hats for that!
the sun turning up for our ireland holiday in april!

time most clearly hearing from god
the 1st week of june re work, men, grace and many other things
other nominees were....
"move to blair road..." thanks for that one jesus!
at the end of the daniel fast " don't do law.." ! what a get-out!..phew...

best laughing
in ireland with claire, emma and drago
other nominees were...
at mt with katie when amber one of the helpers was telling us about her photocopy art..
with fiona on new years eve..mostly at fabian the pirate boy, stretch, kinky ken and rob

best film
the life aquatic
other nominees were...
v for vendetta
schindler's list (no really, i'd never seen it before!)
not quite a film, but i DID very much enjoy my week's rental of dawson season 6....man, that was a fun week!

worst film
broken flowers
other nominees were...
wedding crashers
mission impossible III (esp the part where they were wrecking all the wind turbines.......sob...)


THE END.
...SHPWP...RIP...

holy ericsson batman

i can use the radio on my phone...!
aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaah i'm so excited!
on the way to work this joyful morning i listened to the last half-hour of today...
i have never heard it before...!
all these mornings i have had to leave the house at either 7.40 (blood bank on a 8-4 week), 8.40 (blood bank on a 9-5 week), 7.50 (salford foyer) and now 8.10 (mt) i have never, ever heard the end of the today programme...
that cna't be true really.....but its still exciting...they are always about to talk of something fascinating, just when you have to leave the house, but as of this very day, john, caroline, edward et al are coming with me on the 85...!!
thanks mother for my new (your old) phone...
over and out amigos x x

winterly watching..

so i have decided that since the coming five weeks makes me an equivalent giddy to sal at the start of the world cup, i am going to celebrate in style.
the style, rather than cullinary expeditions, shall be winterly watching, of christmassy movies, at my house, once a week during advent...
i think sunday evenings would be good (this is up for negotiations...), i think company would be great, and i think you guys should get on board and let hollywood bring you that sense of wonderous anticipation about celebrating the birth of our lord through films that are generally..in fact invariably, nothing to do with him at all, but are snowy and splendid nevertheless..!

all in favour, say..........santa claus the movie....!

all suggestions welcome as to what our collective top five christmas films might be, as there are usually five sundays in advent it would all work out beautifully!

woohoo and yay

marketeering..

so today the christmas markets start in manchester and i am so excited.
it sound like a very lame and dull post is about to come, mes amies, mais non!
the markets are so lovely. you feel warm in the cold, you feel at home in the town, you know it but its new and the smells are of christmas and winterly weather and food and people and sweets and leather handbags and scarves and hats, and naturellement, the gluwein......yes the spicy wine of loveliness and warmth is back on our shores once again, and i for one cannot wait!
some jammy people that work at the town hall and the like have probably already been there, at lunchtime. curses. ancoats is decidedly disadvantageous for market-attendance, but do not you worry, i shall be there, come the stroke of 5 o'clock i'll be out the door, shawl on, gloved up and my heart glad, for christmas is coming and the goose is getting fat.

feeling it..

so i went to see the feeling last night at the academty with sal.
they reminded me of the supernaturals.
they also made me think - and this is kind of wierd and you'll porbably disagree with me entirely! but it made me think - maybe the beatles would sound like this if they were around now? to me, that idea is nowhere like abhorrant or disgraceful as some make out when they bang on about how the beatles were the best band of all time. for me, they had some great songs* but most of them were average and in the light of all that has come since, they do not stand out particularly, except that they have longevity and are therefore anthems each in their own small right. anyway, the feeling have really good songs, some of them they even mean, i'm sure. the one about rosé wine is sadly funny, and the one sal loves which i don't know the name of is lovely, and the one about -at least they're not lonely- is brilliant. anyway there is youth in there and very good singing voices and something pleasantly individual. kind of like the beatles. well done.
*my top five beatles' songs..
back in the ussr
st pepper's lonely hearts club band
get back
a day in the life
hey jude

psalm 7: 99 - 06

i celebrate today, with heaven and with jesus who cannot love me more now than he did then, but who i think i love more now, in that rusted, sometimes tired, sometimes christmas-morning-excitable way, sometimes in yawns and sometimes in new words found, sometimes like i can't think straight, sometimes in a -oh, you're still there- way, sometimes in a -oh, you were there....what happened?- kind of way..

today i celebrate seven whole years passing since i gave my life to the lord. many of my fair readers were present that weekend, two of you were there at the very minute. what a strange old time it was..i was hesitant....reluctant...even scoffing of the idea, right up until the second it happened. mrs p and dr knox had pinned me to the floor a couple of hours before, and forced me to voice my oppositions to becoming a christian. there were many, and they dealt with which ones so ever they were able. it was not enough for me. i resolved to go outside and smoke. smoke i did, several, i imagine, and upon my return into the building, i was adamant that i was not going to do it today, but when i was 26. i had decided some weeks before that being a christian might be good, helpful even, for the unstable, emotionally wraught na that attended a CU houseparty under duress and without a bible. but that night as i went back in after smoking, it was clear to me that i needed to go away, study the bible and i'd get back to them when i'd had a few more years of enjoying myself (which i actually wasn't, you understand, not at all...). as i went into the room where they all were....mrs p, andy, cate and caroline....i was so sure...and then i sat, and it all went away and i knew right then that the tired and emotionally screwed up me, the scared and small part of me that felt so, so awful, most of the time those days, would only know peace, or win any kind of contentment, or even just get through the night, with jesus in charge and winning it for me. it was so sudden that i think i almost gasped. it struck me. and i fell for him.
they prayed me towards him and i went, i made my choice, for him and all that that has meant and still will mean.
my praise goes to him but some of my thanks goes to those four people. and to trev who the next day told me i could be in his cell if i wanted. i had no idea what a cell was, or why i would want to be in one with him, but he grinned at me and we buth knew i'd go. there, i met penny and rachel, and andy p, and ollie, and eddie. the next week or two weeks later i met the first ever 24-7 prayer room outside of chichester. the first prayer room i had ever seen. and i didn't want to go home. god was scarily, overwhelmingly present in that room, and all i wanted was to be with him and others in there finding that being scared by god and not of god was the only way forward.
the months that followed were largely horrible, and the overcoming was slow and painstaking.
but others met my path with theirs and life got fuller and fuller.
for me, the idea of singing, unrestrained, abandoned and with tears, was all i'd ever wanted from church. st peter's catholic church and school in gloucester offered me a great many great things, but that was not one of them. all my life i had known that god wanted to hear more of me, like l.m.montgomery says of her readers, they always -wanted more of anne-. and like anne of green gables later puts it on one occassion, -it was as if she had set lighted candles in all the windows of her house of life-
i think that was true of me that evening and the days that followed, as i could sing and sing to god, having always known that's how i wanted to love him, and how i would best find him, and where i would want to stay with him. so i sang. alot.
thanks and love to you and to jesus, the ever-lovely.

no smoke without fire..

so over the last three days i have -happily for you- not blogged through my cold but sat around and watched rubbish television with my duvet and felt generally sorry for myself.
i have been genuinely ill, and still am, although i am at work. this is a bad idea, not only for me because my head is throbbing and is verging on that sinus -ouch- thing where you want to shout at your head and tell it to fuck off for being so full of almost literal shit. it is also bad because i work surrounded by people who are poor and therefore probably of the low immune system variety, homeless people not often caught eating fruit, asylum seekers living on food vouchers probably not prioritising tubes of effervescent vitamin c in their £39 a week budget.
so i feel i am probably doing them a disservice.
but am here nonetheless
thing is, what has struck me over the last few days, is how badly i cope with pain on unhealth of any kind. we've always known i was a complete child when it comes to discomfort, but it strikes me that as someone who smokes, i am inviting pain upon myself.
this is obscenely stupid
as a somewhat flighty person (less so, as the years pass, i like to think..), i find it hard to think -in thirty years' time, i may well have a stroke- and take what possible precautions i may now while i have the chance. i have seen what strokes do to people, and it is vastly unpleasant. i saw my aunt, my godmother, mary, reduced for some time to the physical capacity of a baby and the mental understanding of a child, after that one horrible day. and even now she cannot do the crossword, or read books.....formerly two of her favourite pass times.
she smoked in the age when smoking wasn't really known to be all that bad for you. and then stopped. but even now she has what my mum insists on referring to as -a sedentary lifestyle-, which is precisely what you ought not to have if you wish to avoid a (second..) stroke.
i watched my grandmother collapse on Christmas morning last year. it turned out to be an angina attack, but at the time even the nurses among the haywards present thought it was much worse than that. her breathing over the last year has been reduced to puffs of air that look like a monumental effort to take it or let out. again, she smoked at a time when no photo was complete without cigarettes, shift dresses, gin somewhere and beautiful shoes.
i know what it does. they didn't, not really.

that's because you go to bed too late..

when i was a kid living at home, whatever was wrong with me, headache, spots, period pain, you know, my mother would say -that's because you go to bed too late-...
mouth ulcer, sprined ankle, split ends, you name it, it was because we didn't go to bed early enough...
and now, finally i believe...
i do, i believe it
i want to publicly acknowledge the wisdom and general wonder that is my mother, and salute you lucy, you were right all these years
i have the Winter Sickness already, you see, and I know now,t hat it is in large part due to my self-neglect, mainly concerning lateness to bed.
i did the right thing this morning, and came to work. but i am going home soon i think. i feel like crap and i can't think straight
over and out my loves, and remember, listen to those older and shorter than you, its a winning combination on the wisdom front
and eat your greens

on a lighter note, mind...

here is something for your thursday afternoon amusement.....
no quite pirate, but here is some hints on how to speak glawster, should you ever find yourself alone and misunderstood in that fabled city..



This has recently appeared in Tourist Information Leaflet for those people intending to vist our hallowed City.

Glawster

The first point all tourists must learn is that this is not Gloucester at all but Glawster, and is situated north of Bristow and south of Chewksbree and Burmagum. The accent is simple and easy to follow, provided you cut out this article and keep it about your person at all times during your stay. First, transport hints for travelling during your stay here. The best way to get around Gloucester is aboard a large vehicle called a buzz. These are found at buzz tops. At a buzz top you ketch yer buzz.

ATTRACTIONS
Once in the city centre, known as up the town, attractions include the Po Stoffice where you can buy post lorders, stamps etc. Ladies queuing in front of you may be holding children in their arms. These are known as babbiz.The Po Stoffice is open all week Mundee to Sardee, but never on a Sundee. The same is true of Omes Tores, the well-know Sainsbriz.

FOOD
The correct way of saying hungry is 'Ant add nutten teat all day' - a suitable reply is 'Ant ya?' To satisfy your hunger you have to find a place where you can summit teat. When you find one, you say 'yer tiz'. If it's a self-service place you greet the owner with the phrase -'ow be?', he will reply, 'Notsa bad, an you?' Indicate the food you want by saying, 'I'll ave some o' them chips'. You should always say them instead of 'those' and 'er' instead of 'she'. Hence the phrase 'Er et all them elvers on Sardee'. Similarly 'im is used instead of 'it'. For example, 'werz me wheelbarra? I ad im yesde.'

PHRASES
Questions begin with the words 'Wer?', 'Oooo?', 'Ow?', etc. Answers are 'tis' (positive) and 'tent' (negative). The word 'yes' has been abolished in Gloucester and replaced by 'aah'. If a local is not certain whether a thing 'tis' or 'tent' he will be non-committal and say 'spexso', 'praps', or 'spose'. In Gloucester you must remember that you never go TO a place but UP it. So you should say 'up the doctor's', 'up the library', ' up the vets' and 'up the bingo'. Housewives are often to be seen going up the shops. Occasionally, words are added to the end of a sentence to form a question such as 'ennit'. Example: 'Good up yer ennit?'. Another such word is 'cannus', as in 'can't do tall at once cannus?'. Quite often the word 'mind' is added at the end of a sentence for emphasis. For example if someone asks you where you are going: 'Were ya going?' 'Up town mind'. The word 'mind' is often used in rugby. For instance: 'ees a big un mind' or 'played well mind'. (Note: rugby is the most widely worshipped religion in Glawster.)

COMPLIMENT
People and things you like should be referred to as 'proper good'. You also use the word 'proper' when you want to emphasise another word, as in 'Them cockles was proper tasty'. Strangely, you can be 'proper drunk' and a 'proper devil' too. If you stop liking someone then you have 'gawn awf' them. Mouldy cheese is also described as 'gawn awf'.If during your visit your health goes awf, be sure to get a doctor's sustiffcut. The highest compliment you can pay to people you are fond of is to describe them as 'dead good', 'dead generous', etc. A cheerful youngster is a 'dead appy babee'. It is also possible to be dead lively and dead awake. Now try these for practice: I sin im yesdee. Me babbiz lost her at. Tent right. Tis! Praps, praps not. Givus un yer. Werya bin? - Werja think? Preferably this should be done late at night, to the noise of car doors slamming and the sound should be loud enough to carry four times around the block. To your 'Ta-laas' they will shout the traditional Gloucester phrase, 'Seeya gen'.

Hope you coddit all proper clear - SEEZY ENNIT?

holy mother..

so last night i heard the joyous and mildly traumatic sounds of childbirth under my very roof...
yes indeed, hannah flint gave birth downstairs from me last night, and while all along i have sworn i'd be exiting the building just as soon as you can say -waters br-------- i stuck around to do the upstairs praying....
and so was born jocelyn lucy flint
a happy day in blair road indeed, and for flints and butchers everywhere.....!!
jocelyn, i will always have gum x