.........

People in movies always seem to get to a point when they don’t like their life anymore. When they wake up one day, finding themselves at work for a couple of hours without having even switched on their brain, and find themselves in a job they hate. Its not so much that I hate my job, as I feel outdone by it. I feel like it has won me. Claimed me for its side. I never mean or wanted to be on the side of this job. It’s the typical office job, where people who like their job to a frightening degree squabble over their expenses and have to justify why they spent £30 on lunch - alone, on a trip to the next city east of here. And I do the photocopying that these people could so easily do. They are capable of using the machine. I’ve seen one or two of them do it, too embarrassed to ask me to copy one sheet for them when the machine is by their side once they’ve got to me.

I didn’t grow up with this in mind. I grew up knowing so much about what I did not want to do, I could have written (perhaps should have) a book, listing the laws by which I was and was not going to live. Today I could still write it…..i will not work for the government….i will not make phone calls on behalf of someone who can talk and has a phone…I will not spend my days waiting for Friday afternoon….i particularly will not spend my days waiting for the last Friday afternoon of every month…I will not laminate things that do not need laminating, just for something to do…..i will not ………..whatever.

Today I did not all, but most of the things listed above. Choose as you will which ones you believe to be, or want to be true. I have indeed committed every heinous crime that were so disgusting to my 17-year-old-self. The 17-year-old me would laugh to see what I wore today, how I was demure today. She would hate me.

But hey, you know, a girl’s gotta eat..! How would she propose I got by, for money, instead of sacrificing dream at the altar of HSBC?

I know what she’d say…..lady, sit yourself down. Get some boy to buy you a nice rum and coke, write some shit down, have a cigarette, and talk to god. Didn’t stevie himself preach it like a preacher…when you feel your life’s too hard – just go have a talk with god…….so I pretty much think that’s the plan. Til now I didn’t have a pl