The day after my birthday..

No more drama in my life….when’s that day, huh..? not sure whether its now that day that I’m chasing after, or god. Never really used to be a problem. But I guess that’s where having dreams gets you – into drama, trouble, shit, whatever….

I know that before I really started dreaming of my future, things weren’t quite right. But now that I’ve begun, I can’t seem to stop. Today, I didn’t want to be a journalist at all. Not even a little bit. I just wanted to be working at home, running our little book company. I dreamt of it last night – well I’m assuming I did, because it was my first thought this morning, and my heart was racing when I woke up. Gracious, how it sank when I sat up and looked at the day ahead of me, stretched out like an eight-hour yawn. Can you imagine what that looks like? Wait though – you have to imagine it coupled with the thought that its not just today, but everyday, or at least everyday until something else happens along.

But today I did begin to feel slightly more like I need to take my life by the scruff of its neck, and shake…or box its ears….or give it a kick up the ass….or scream at it, right in its face….i think, actually, no, I’m about a hundred percent sure of this one thing, so listen up…I know that til today I’ve been doing nothing more than standing, arms folded across chest, staring at my life, a sullen look on my face, waiting…..stroppy, spoiled, cross, selfishly waiting for it to get its fucking act together, stop moaning and do something.