blogging at work..

yes that's right, blogging on company time..although i suppose its really taxpayers' time..ah well..my contribution to society is as follows
thanks for the calls to blog, i have been aware of my neglect and cannot truly say it has been accidental.
i'm stuck in some pretty severe muddy mud. and we're not talking glastonbury, *oh the sun will be out in a couple of hours then we'll all dry off and anyway then we'lll be home in a couple of days and we can shower..oh and bothered because look, there's the brand new heavies..*
or even the other kind of glastonbury mud that provokes the most rage i can recall feeling - the kind that makes you think *this is the exact opposite of where i would like to be right now*
nol, not that kind of mud at all
on the other hand..
neither is it the miry clay of psalm 40. nothing half so dramatic or story-worthy.
the fact is, i think i've decided that in answer to jack black's wonderfully-put rhetorical question in high fidelity, *it is better to burn out than to fade away?* unfortunately i think the latter chose me instead of me thinking clearly enough to opt for either.
i'm talking of course about god.
there has not been a conscious decision to stop talking to him,. nor has there been some new theological, grouded rationale behind this temporary separation. but it has happened, and is still happening. i cannot find the inclination to go to him nor the resignation to decidly walk away. that's kind of like mud, isn't it....a naturally occuring phenomenon that if unheeded can encase or at least entrap you before you know it. it was once something else - soil, clay, bits of crap, but rain came or something and while you were minding your own business doing something else....(working hard, paying debts, not going insane, watching the oc, seeing friends, not blogging, etc....) it turned to mud and now you're screwed.
not irrevocably, of course..
other than that, life is pretty good. my counselling course is full of grumpy old women at counselling, its pretty hilarious. i'm learning more about renewable energy, more about why the people i work for are so opposed to windfarms, and finding myself loving the great benevolent machines (the wind turbines, that is, not the inner workings of the civil service..) more than ever after my trip to cornwall at the weekend. i'm also learning about why some countries just are poor. *the end of poverty* by jeffrey sachs is more or less just an easier to read version of *development as freedom*, but lets face it, the same book can get written over and over under different names and from different continents' perspectives, it doesn't matter, as long as more and more people are reading them each time one gets published.
i have very much enjoyed the election. particularly polly toynbee's idea of going to the polls with a peg on your nose because you have to vote labour as a progressive, social-thinking person, but the stink of the war taking any pleasure out of seeing tony and gordo back at the helm. i do think they are right for the country right now, and i think they have policies of the last five years that need another five years to be proven useful and beneficial. interruptions not needed at present, i feel. so well done britain, you have voted them back in even though it hurt. what a glorious day for free will. OHH and i watched *garden state* last night, and while i hate to be the last of my friends to start raving about something (so i won't), suffice to say, its wonderful. can't believe its the same idiot out of scrubs. acting works..
chaps i'm off, i really should work, much love to you all.