its time for the truth..

i know most of my (two) readers already know about this particular truth, but the notion of my moving back to manchester has retained a bizarre, dream-like quality for far too long now.
its time, i think, to just admit that it is actually what i want.
there, i've said it. and i'm excited, too.
i love the idea of loving the place i live in. and not waiting everyday for a chance to leave. i've lived thinking like that for quite a long time..except forty days in barcelona..but now that god has stormed my barricade of no ways, nevers and under no cicumstances, and brought to me the reality of him getting to choose, and me learning to love his ideas, its all looking rather new..

i don't want to be the kind of person who only agrees to something or gets excited about it if they think it was their idea first. some people would say that that sums up most of the world's men, but i say it is one of the cunningest ways that god has to get us on board. well, maybe its just me.
the fact is, i want it, now. and he wanted it first...but he has allowed me to swan around for the last two months dreaming tiny day dreams and thinking it was all my idea. these things never are though...there isn't a single heavenable dream on earth that he didn't dream first..

i was there this weekend...and oh how i laughed..i fear i may have been slightly raucous..a bit like tom p after four months of living in spain with no-one to think he was funny and then i turn up on his doorstep and he's saved up months' worth of showing off...i felt a bit like that..
..a bit like an uncaged bird..
there was cord, and beer, and old friends..and tefl friends..and rageful shopping..and new nero's..and a party full of new friends and add ben to that..kat's feet...kat being the most grand embodiment of all that kat always ought to have been but never quite was...and now she entirely is..and the sick mallowdale twins and emma and her capers and claire and her man..i lacked little...or nothing, in fact.
and then thought.....i want this, now..