joy cometh..

i should offer an apology here....
the last post was whiny and selfish. i was going to delete it, out of embarrassment, but i think it should serve more as a reminder to myself that whiners are wieners and to just remember the following, before writing any such post in the future...
the evening of monday carried on in much the same vein as the daytime...i felt anxious, sad, and mildly lost. i watched tv, pottered at home, and generally let myself feel quite miserable. i spent some time with ben which was nice and also watched the choir, which i have been enjoying very much. however i played evoision with god and put him off and put him off..
bedtime came and i felt as uneasy as i had all day, knowing too that i was now letting -it- whatever it was, really have a hold.
and then i read about 10 psalms, and prayed. i'm not even kidding when i say god entirely came through, showed me truth, offered me peace and i felt life in me again. it hadn't just been 24 hours, really, it had indeed been longer, possibly much longer.
i learned from scratch (again!) that god answers when i actually call. instead of me not calling and him not answering and me getting cross with him (!!!) when he's not at fault but is just waiting for me to say what i want, and to offer my trust just by asking.
quelle idioa, you might say, na....
good one...
thing is, i'm pretty sure this is how it goes..on and on, over and over....but i think i am starting to see that the quicker i react the quicker he responds to me, because fear and doubt don't have so long to creep in.
i'm quite, quite sure that this has all made alot more sense in my head than it has to you, dear reader, but just believe me that things are ok, and i really am sorry for the last post....love you