friday i'm...at home..

when we were about seventeen, me and nick were walking home from the pub, half-cut and meandering. i looked and saw he was walking down the middle of the road..'nick' says i, 'why are you walking down the middle of the road?'. 'because i can...whenever anyone asks you that question, the answer is always 'because i can' repeat after me..'because i can, because i can..'etc etc....'
i love this apartment..
my friends are in a barn, chilly and playing games and catching up..
but as per the last-but-one post, i have again shied away from the gaggle..because i can.
god is here, as well as in the crowd, and i know that right now for sure..
a friend today seemed to intimate that god, once lost, however temporarily, should probably or could maybe be chased down with tears, and travaille...
i know that feeling. he's so far, just so horribly far sometimes. and so disinterested, unmoved. unapproachable
another friend owned to me today that god is nearer now to her than at any known recent time, that weird things are happening, that faith seems vivid and honest once more.
i really think its just when we think we have fathomed our place with him, near or far from him, as we perceive it, that's the second he decides he's going to prove just how wrong we are. not out of spite, or out of us needing to be put in our place (although clearly we do need that..) but just because he delights to. and because he can.
i have lately been stirred to simply ask for the new.
a week ago i sat in here, in my lounge with da costa, and talked of how stale things feel, not that things were awful, but that vibrancy was lacking..urgency, news, coloUr, discovery...all dried up...and so later, in my bed with jesus listening, i asked, 'something new please'..and a week later:
new friends. check.
new sleep levels. check.
new prospects and ideas for the future. check.
new ideas of things to write about. check.
and these are no small things, friends, this is the stuff we're always on the look out for, connections and pathways, challenges to the ordinary, assumed and aged.
ask for the new. its not that hard. 'something new please.'