no-one can think thoughts about death and the afterlife and sickness without needing god as much as you need air....least of all me.........its just so baffling....
it makes you want to not love so you don't feel the pain of knowing that people you do love will die
it makes you not want to get old, realising the many and varied ways in which age can wreck you.
it makes you want to spare others who have chosen the folly of loving you, the horror of having to watch you go.
it makes you want to ask god about a million questions.
it also makes you realise once more that he's the only one who has a right to know the answers...
it is the most universal and yet the most personal thing. like god.
so i'm going to ireland tomorrow as it seems my grandmother does not have long left til she will go on ahead, as they say...
my grandmother's name is eithne o'brien. she is 91.
she gave birth to six children, saw five of them into adulthood. saw one of them go before her five years ago.
she was married to george o'brien for oh i don't know! yonks! about 55 years i imagine...
she campaigned for the rights of local traveller people. she called them itinerants.
she campaigned for people to be able to own their council houses
she got a computer when she was about 75 and went to computer class
she wrote a poem about wheelie bins when the 'corporation' introduced them in Clonmel. it was published in the newspaper.
she researched both sides of her family tree, her mother's side now goes back to the year 637. she worked on this history for years and years. she used to take trips on to dublin on the train to go to the library...
she was quietly formidable, and quietly caring.
had she been born in a different time she would have done a job like i'm doing now, i think. or maybe been the prime minister.
and now she's waiting her turn. i hope to be there before she sets off. x
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