shipping out...

well blogger, its been lovely, but....

http://onlygotone.wordpress.com/

maya has moved.....

please come with me!

-

-

i repeat: i am no longer blogging here, but at wordpress..............

-

-

-

-

-

-

-

-

-

-

-

-

-

end

-

-

-

-

-

-

-

-

-

-

-

-

fyi..

i have found the visual aid to an earlier post....

for your reference, the post in question... 

et voila..... 

today x 2:

this is my friend today .....as i am off sick....my ears feel well though

at the risk of peddling... i still have two more invites....

fastest fingers first....

today x 1:

look at these...

if there's one thing i love, its watching people's facing while they think of an answer to a tricky question  ...

biannual

today is sixth months since the worst day

 

there have been times, in the early months, when i thought 'gracious, one day it will be six months since it happened. that will be wierd. but not as wierd as when it will be one year'

 

and today it is six months.

 

i am not dwelling or mulling or feeling sad (yet! ha) but i just thought it deserved a small mention.

 

it is rainy today

orange sky...

i'm not going to pretend i know why the sky is orange in this song....but i really believe you should listen to it. it is called -orange sky- by alexi murdoch

well i had a dream i stood beneath an orange sky

yes i had a dream i stood beneath an orange sky

with my brother standing by

with my brother standing by

said brother you know, you know,

its a long road we've been walking on

brother you know it is, you know it is,

such a long road we've been walking on

and i had a dream i stood beneath an orange sky

with my sister standing by

with my sister standing by

i said sister here is what i know now, here is what i know now...

in your love my salvation lies

in your love my salvation lies

in your love my salvation lies

in your love, in your love, in your love...

oh but sister you know i'm so weary

and you know sister my heart's been broken

sometimes sometimes my mind is too strong

to carry on

too strong to carry on

when i am alone

when i've thrown off the weight of this crazy stone

when i've lost all care for the things i own

that's when i miss you

that's when i miss you

that's when i miss you, you who are my home

you who are my home

and here is what i know now,

here is what i know now..

in your love my salvation lies

in your love my salvation lies

in your love my salvation lies

in your love my salvation lies

in your love my salvation lies

in your love, in your love, in your love....

well i had a dream i stood beneath an orange sky

yes i had a dream i stood beneath an orange sky

with my brother and my sister standing by

with my brother and my sister standing by

with my brother and my sister standing by

Sometimes

...i have these moments of utter bewilderment and incomprehension as
to how you simply are no longer here.you are nowhere. You have
vanished. It is not magic. It is shit.

leisure

is the name of surely one of the greatest albums of the 1990s....

you got the brilliant picture on the cover, of the crazy lady in the floral swimming cap....you got the band members sitting in some fields among some disinterested cows on the inlay...and you have she's so high, there's no other way, etc etc for your listening pleasure

it is also a common noun for something which i am finding quite hard to tackle at the moment

at times, not often,  i find myself left with an open weekend, a whole 48 hours of leisure...

its perverse, really, that one who historically has been so made up at the thought of un-booked time, so joyous at the prospect of no committments and the freedom to choose how to spend her time, can suddenly find the idea quite difficult. 

i realise more and more that my time in manchester was populated, easily-filled and pleasurable because of the sheer volume of choices open to me as to where i would go and with whom i would do what when i got there. the option of staying indoors was also pleasing, my beauty of an apartment at blair estates was a fine place to spend some coccooned time, no plans, no outings, just time, cooking, pottering and coffee....

here the options are far fewer in number, and it seems can only been elected in advance if they are to have any hope of resulting in good times....

this frustrates me and pains me slightly, i am not used to a whole weekend that centres around one plan, one pub trip, one coffee time or some such....

today i am rather feeling the lack of variety, which is bizarre, really, because today is also the day that i procured the follwing for myself:

a new phone

a new haircut

two new skirts

one pair of new trousers

one new cardigan

lots of new haircare products

lots of new skincare products

a new make-up bag

and yet you see it is newness of conversation in nice places that i most like on my weekends....so here i am and its eleven-thirty on a saturday night, kinda bored!

n'est ce pas?

you give good gifts to me

i pray that i receive them well

so pass the cup of suffering

and let the oil of joy be poured

i'll say - 

god is good

god is good

we love your purpose, father

we want the glory to be yours,

so pass the cup of suffering

and let the oil of joy be poured

we'll say - 

god is good

god is good

i do like that song, very much

so..

..am thinking that it is about time i began to think about working towards possibly getting re-acquainted with the lord...am missing knowing him and being found in him, learning of and from him.....and missing seeing truth before me and having certainties that i can be certain of. 

lots of things are about to change in the next wee while, such as me hopefully moving back to bristol in february.....leaving my family coccoon...this house where i have been so tended to and held in these last six horrible months....

i cannot tell you how this terrifies me. and also how much i want to live in bristol. in an apartment. with my kitchen things and my friend, and in a city i so want to be friends with. 

but old fears quiet slowly and new fears ever slower.....

and yet i feel some new shoots...snowdrops are one of my top five flowers....they are not yet to be seen but in a few weeks, i will go for some journeys through the fields and woods of this shire and see them in their early-spring meaningfulness.....

i miss god. i miss knowing that he can be and wishes to be my all, my waking and working, my laughing and loving, he wants to be in all of it. and i am tired of being in all of it without him

i have not the first clue where to begin to look for him. i know he cannot be far because he has been quietly ever so good to me in the valley....has shown lights of hope and glades of green calmness. ...he sat with me in the small hours, when i have not exactly turned to him but have simply known he must surely be there. 

i also know he is real now more than i ever have. i know he is good because he always has been. 

if anyone knows the way, give a girl a hand...