and the winner is....

not me, man...i can't even get a job in tesco! not true, i could if i wanted a permanent job, and i wasn't quick enough to lie when that issue came up.....so things at home are good...in an unsteady faith see-saw kind of way.....god gave me about ten days of chill before he stepped it all up. i am now back to knowing how much i need him, and knowing pretty much nothing but that. oh and also that i am meant to be in barcelona by the end of september. thing is, there's knowing that, and there's knowing that that equates to god's provision for me to get there...and there's the hitch.....i have no full-time job as yet, and the clock is ticking...and the last couple of days this has really started to bother me. probably because its been in the last five days that i've realised just how much i want to go to spain. to barcelona, at this time, and not at any other time. and i believe fully that it is ordained for now, and that god has purposed it specifically and strategically. and yet i sem to have no trust for the money. every single other thing i trust him over. but this...its the same old stumbling block, but i guess that now really is as good a time as any to figure out a way over it. having been a pretty big feature of the prayers befor ei left manchester, philippians is as inspirational on this subject as is possible for a few pages in a book to be. but petitioning....what is that? being in such a house of religion means that the worhip that must necessarily precede that part is all but out of the quesiton. but there must be a way through that also, particularly if i'm headed to a nation of the same religion only on an infinitely bigger scale. oh, whittering now...but that's that dielmma and i know i just gotta get down to figuring it out...
ok enough of that, but i had to say it....
what else.....
i'm reading loads about spanish history, about the inquisition, about catalaluna and barcelona history, and figuring that as a city it has an incredible legacy of protest, unrest and well, demonstration. and a mind of its own. and a people that are allwed to and expected to contribute to the life and future of the city. let me in...! i can't even tell you how giddy these books are making me...and i love that its that stuff and not the architecture and art that are attracting me there. i'm having quite a time of it seing how i'm not meant to be a voice there, not yet. when so many have such audible voices i get to be quiet there for a while and sound it all out. so far in the book about the inquisition, the only places in europe that have spoken out against it are england and cataluna....sorry for the lack of n with squiggle...also trying to reconcile the stuff that god was telling me about last night, to do with his jealousy, and the disgust i feel at reading about the inquisition. how do they match up? it doesn't take genious to see how they though they had the right idea. so its all interesting. not enough of a word for it to be honest.
so bed and philippians here i come.....guys which ever of you may be reading this that feel like praying about this money stuff with me....i'd really appreciate it. if it were anyone else, i'd be saying well, he's planned it, he's asked you to go, so he'll provide. it doesn't seem all that crystal-cut simple when you're in it though. if only.....
oh, to not be a simpleton.......