sitting on the floor..

...in my hotel room

i am trying on my dress for The Thing on monday, for about the twentieth time...

its 2.48 in the morning and i would like to simply record this...

i miss walking into a room with him.

i know its the feeling that phil probably still has when he walks into a room full of people, but he walks in with laura. or like fran has when she walks into a room, with matt...

i have never been so proud and glad to walk into a room with anyone as i was every time i walked into a room with him.

its the canniest feeling that is very hard to describe, but you know it when you've had it.

i am listening to the fray, and it soothes me somehow.

i just liked the look of him. he wasn't real good at taking compliments, and the embarrassing but unwavering truth is that he was and is the most handsome man i have ever laid eyes on. he wouldn't hear that from me, so in the end i just boiled it down to 'well, i like the look of you', and he'd take that.

but walking into a room with him, it was lovely, and also comical. someone would only have to look at him before he took it as a cue to introduce me as his girlfriend, never missing a beat, either to ward off potential rivals, or to boost his own ego. i never cared, it was an absolute pleasure every time.

you will recall a post on these pages, from about two-and-a-bit years ago, on being loved....in which i confessed to you, dear reader, that i have never known a time in my life when i did not know i was loved. but you will understand me when i say that this was different. this was walking into a room,full of people who would within seconds know that i was loved, because he could not wait to tell them so.

the fray really are good.