my plastic heaven..

so today i bought a plastic, see-through, dome-shaped umbrella.
it was the stormiest of stormy afternoon - never good for annas on a wednesday because janet leaves work early which means no ride home and therefore...rain...
i was so cross by the time i had got down oldham road across the ring road via near-death and then down oldham street...and then i recalled that pop cafe are now selling these beauties, so i went in paid my money and thence began my voyage chez portable plastic heaven. you cannot go wrong. your hair doesn't get blown about, glasses remain un-waterlogged, and rage is kept to an absolute minimum...
so now my only rainy-day problem is that age-old story of the girls who buy their trousers too long, and live in manchester, and end up with the rain absorbed up to their knees before long and then the shivers all day at work...
if only the inventive men of the world could solve that one...?!
btw yes there will be photos to follow of me and my plastic heaven..

paddy's day: the preview..

so i thought i would let you in on a secret...
i cannot wait for st patrick's day
it is clearly still two weeks and four days away, but i am so looking forward to it..and here's why:
its almost like going home for christmas....
i head to the shire, knowing that love awaits me, daddio at the station..the others already installed in le cafe rene, as per shire fridays, and the run-up begins...ah the joy of a year in which the 17th of march falls on a weekend....
present will be the usual stuff of a shire friday: magners piled all round, an embarsassing number of bottles stacked on the table...roll-ups to hand, rob and amy giddy to see me, mum on her g+t's and angela enjoying a few glasses of red...and nicko with the hugs that only a brother built like a bear can bestow....and then the lovely princess fiona...hopefully...with the grinning...and maybe with the welsh boy in tow...and luke, and yes hopefully, his girlfriend...josh and big aid..bar-staff i went to school with..and lots of laughing..
and the saturday..should probably go to mass.. but won't.
and then gloucester v harlequins at kingsholm, three pm in the shed..
and then probably back to the rene via the gate for free guinness
the evening of st patrick's fay for the haywards takes place in a pub called the great western which we never go to any other night of the year...and all the camping crowd are there, and dad with his guitar, maddie with her bohdran, desie on the accordian, ben the fiddle and everyone in the room knowing that at some point they will have to sing "their song" which means, as you grow older in an irish family, most people who can hold a tune end up adopting a song as their own, which on any given occasion they will be expected to let out, cigarette in hand and their mum's eyes watering up next to you..mine is named arthur mcbride..
it won't be an early night..
and you know what, my uncle and aunt, michael and dierdre are going to be present for the whole thing!! they are heading over from clonmel for the weekend, making our collective joy complete...
anyone want to come with..?! x
(this post is dedicated to mr hughes and his blog-attentiveness...)

bathtime reading..

my lenten resolution is to read something beautiful before i go to bed.
here is a small part of this evening's nightime-reading which i just read in the bath...
it is from the imitation of christ..

o light everlasting, surpassing all created light! pour forth from heaven the glorious rays of your light, and pierce the very depths of my heart. purify, gladden, light and quicken the powers of my spirit, that it may hold to you with joy unspeakable.

night loves x

a history lesson

so today i finished reading the history of love..
it is such a gem of a book. there are people in it who i cannot ever imagine meeting anyone remotely like them, but they become quite real, visible and loveable.
like the shadow of the wind, it is a book about a book - and all the necessary puzzles thrown up by a fiction book concerning a fictional book - who in the book wrote the second book, the time is was written and parellels with the time in which a main character is reading it. and the confusion between the book you are reading and the book the character is reading..it messes with your head more in the shadow of the wind, but the book within the history of love is just beautiful, i wish it were a real book. i would hand it out faster than i could ever give out gospel tracts i'm sure...

it just makes you wonder how much you would be prepared to risk your heart...how able you would be to move on if the person you love moved on from you...it makes you think how would i carry myself through, if i had no certainty in my life...where would i be without the pillars of people that i find around me...

the two children in the book are so lost as their father has died and their mother half-gone with him....the old man has nothing but obsession, and imaginings, and regrets and letters unsent. the other old man, spent his whole life lying just so he could be defined by something...

the tone of voice often lead me to laugh out loud when on the bus..lunchtime at work..in my bed...there is sharp honesty and poetic daydreaming aplenty...

it makes me feel a bit like when i first listened to august and everything after - how could anyone even try to write music after hearing this?!
how could i ever think of writing a book, when someone has already written the history of love...?!

and yet..

well livvy, jon, (or maybe ellie, who ever knows who it is on the other end of the blog line..!) and fiona, not forgetting catelin, thank you thank you...

i have emailed the man

i bit the bullet (one of those phrases that really doesn't work in the past tense...) and just told him the truth...not in a scary way, just in a, i don't know you either, but i'm not sure that i wouldn't like to, kind of way.
i realise this whole thing is probably verging on tiresome for some of you, but sod you its the most stupidly funny and frightening thing that's happened to me for, well, shall we just say..quite some time

...and the altercations with luke over the years don't count since he was never honestly going to be anything other than my brother's best friend...
not even close..

so there ..i did it..and now we're back to Inbox Watch. although, not really..it should be more panic-inducing than the last 'Watch, but instead i am feeling the relief of knowing that i have said now the thing i haven't said for months, to the one person who should hear it...

merci, mes amis, you are lovely..x

ps: olivia margaret boyd get to BED lady what are you doing at skool at 23.11 hours...?! my word...

refresh

at just before five, just before leaving work for the night, i received an answer to my endless refreshing of my inbox...

an email, to me from the man

i do not know what to make of it.

the problem, i have now realised, is that while i was foolishly expecting a swift yes please or no thanks ... i neglected to remember that i hadn't actually asked a question..

so its not what you would call straight forward now, and in my relative inexperience of these matters, i had hoped for it to be otherwise.

explanations of my own identity and of how i came to meet him and who i am, now have to be offered....all the while hoping to avoid the fact that most people who meet someone for five minutes and then eight months later get round to contacting them again, would be considered quite, quite mad.

but, i do have a very nice book review on my hands. he enjoyed it, it seems, which is good, because on my current reading of it, am seeing that it is quite an odd book (see the mostly reading section..) that requires quite a bit of committment.

also, i should note that his command of the english language throughout the email was pleasing. very nice punctuation.

so there you are my loves, in sally's words " you thought you were leaving the ball in his court, but now its like, oh wait, there is no ball..!"

feel like a nervous wreck, but i do know that all the blogging in the world can't help me now, emails are the way forward, hopefully via the exact right words...(i have been firmly instructed by my advisors that i'm not allowed to email earlier than monday...apparently that's how it works....)

the end x

fyi..

in case you thought i was just getting careless in my old age, i am in fact still mostly listening to chronicles of a bohemian teenager by get cape, wear cape, fly...
it looks like i have just forgotten to update my mostly listening to, mais non, i assure you my friends, i really am enjoying it that much, six weeks or so into it....i cannot yet move on....lovely..

it is better to give..

..than to receive...
not right now..not with the waiting..
and the having to report back...
and the clock ticking, and the increasing trust in the lord..
actually, that last part is good...
i have this incredible peace and trust, from jesus, that whatever happens, i'll be fine...
that if nothing happens, no word comes, to reponse offered, no acknowledgment of receipt granted...i'll be fine...
my heart cannot break over this...if it falters slightly, or feels the weight of hopes dashed, i'll still be fine, because i risked my heart with jesus, and he'll reassemble whatever threatens to fall away, or will sooth the bruised ego of one who chronicled her valentine endeavours on here....or will keep threaded whatever of good has been added to her through the journey of nine months of wondering if she might have finally seen him...or if it was just a system failure..a red herring...a welcome hiccup...just a brief encounter..
we'll see...x

the morning report...

me: you there?
this just in:
post-valentine's report
one minute ago anthony called and said that The Man has contacted him, knowing that anthony is involved in the whole thing, (he is anthony's friend) and said -who is she i am going to email her-

johnnyhaines: hello
I'm here now
I was moving my printer
the leg of the table nerly came off
it's a very poorly built table

me: uhoh

johnnyhaines: SO, he's going to email you but he doesn't know who you are?
is that right?

me: yeah
so he called anthony saying i'd like to know her name so i can email her
cos my email address, being as my email address doesn't really tell you what my name is
he got it
he got the book
i am so nervous

johnnyhaines: isn't it exciting though?

me: also my coffee is stupidly strong this morning, which isn't helping

johnnyhaines: I'm excited

me: me too
and scared

johnnyhaines: naturally
it's a bit like skateboarding

me: go on..

johnnyhaines: you're not sure if you'll make the trick but if you don't fully commit you know you certainly won't make it

me: true enough

johnnyhaines: however, you may not fall flat on you face if you do fully commit

me: again, true

johnnyhaines: it's the fear that mkes it fun

me: right
the fear is the fun
got it
it doesn't feel fun
but i see where you're going with it

johnnyhaines: no, it tends not to at the time
I think getting over the fear is the good bit
in the analogy that would be the part where you either land the trick or land on you head

johnnyhaines: the fear is strangely worse than the fall

me: really? ok
john you are wise indeed
we'll see if it turns out that any of this holds up as things unfold...!

johnnyhaines: I hope it does

me: john i am going to copy this onto my blog so i can update the poor people whom i have dealt several cryptic posts over the last few days, and who now dearly deserve an update...

johnnyhaines: ok
go to it

me: thanks

get grumpy..

now, how often have you watched the news or read the paper and been enraged by some governmental decision that makes no sense, or that will adversely affect you or lots of people you know, or that is clearly just happening to save money...?
its you're me, this happens pretty much everyday
and i know that they didn't listen to everyone about iraq, and i know that by-and-large they are not to be trusted...but we only get to really tell politicians what we think of them once every four years...
however
there seems to be a certain weightyness about petitions lodged directly with number ten itself, and here they all are...
join one, start one, or just read a few and marvel at the awful decisions that ordinary people are trying to stop being made into legislation, that you have never even heard about, but you would never want to happen, if it were up to you..
well, it kind of is..

thankyou x

after work..

turns out the waiting is actually rather enjoyable..

the wait..

there is a chance that he got it before he left for work.
there is a chance that he has already read my hastily scribbled words.
there is a chance that he is at work and quietly grinning to himself.
there is a chance that he is at work and poised to respond.
there is a chance that his reponse will not be favourable.
there is a chance that his reponse might change my life.
there is a chance that i might have done the wrong thing.
there is a chance that it may have been the most blessed use i have ever made of the postal system.
there is a chance that he wont see it, or open it, or read it.....until after work...
but surely, after work is an eternity away?

unforgivable..

my goodness
what are we doing?
whatever it is, we're not doing it for the kids..

specifically, i have raised eyebrows concerning this part

% of central government expenditure (1994 - 2004) allocated to education: 4
% of central government expenditure (1994 - 2004) allocated to defence: 7

here we are again..

joyeux valentine's day, mes cheries..
je vous adore..!
thanks for loving me......!
xx

over..

oh holy mother...
no-one expects the chinese..on a boat..!

so finally i got to the end of 24 season5 and now have that slightly lost feeling....
glad i made it through, though

any one of you who is current with s6, do not talk, i repeat, do not talk..!

its been quite an exciting day..

home alone with jack..

its just me and jack bauer in at my place tonight, me, him and the ruination of the world, it would seem...thing is, there's always been a mole uncovered in the ctu building, and occasionally a political worm or two, but season five is plugged with them...its amazing...i swear, if it weren't for the the lord right now i would trust no-one.
the amazing thing about jack is, even when he's making odd/dangerous decisions, or doing things that you cannot understand, you still love him..you trust him, you know he'll win in the end
he's basically like dumbledore..
i have the sneakiest feeling that i may well be the first person ever to have drawn that rather special connection....!
yes.
i love jack
he' got magic 105 man, i'm telling you..and not even that wretched hungarian horntail could beat him on the temper scale...
at this point i'm really hoping that either
fiona
tim
or
fran
will come and back me up with this analogy..
although i'd put money on fran turning up her nose at our jack, all a bit unseemly!
anyway comrades, its only a few more episodes for me then i'm outta here, this strange voluntary trap i've been in this last week..i'll be free to go...its such a commitment...
i gotta go, jack's about to get arrested..again..
night loves x

film 2007

so i have just watched a film which has thoroughly depressed me, and i thought i'd like to talk about it, in an attempt to figure out why..
its a horrible thing, when the two people you have just watched a film with, turn round at the end and seem to have been kind of enthalled with it, when all you can think is, goodness, i'm glad that's over...
the last kiss, with zach braff, summer from the OC and a small but very welcome contribution from tom wilkinson...
i would describe it as an unfunny, slightly dull, very predictable, american version of love actually....insomuch that it follows the love-lives and break-ups and fall-outs of a set of people who are all connected and whose lives begin unravelling at the same time, so that they are rendered mostly unable to help eachother..
i found it so sad, partly because the people in it are mostly far too young to be having mid-life crises, and partly because they just make really shit decisions..
i think how it has left me feeling, is that i don't even want to be in love or get married, if those are the inevitable, or excuseable or most likely pitfalls. it seems like fear wins out over love, and to be honest, i think that above pretty much anything else, that is an idea i find hardest to stomach.
the others loved the film..they saw the redemption and the hope, but i felt like the film was saying, its ok for these things to happen, the affairs and the fleeing responsibility and whatever else, beecause it'll all work out in the end.
i know what you're thinking, come on lady, that's what grace is all about...but i have to confess, i think i am still naive enough to think that grace also means we also have the hope that we can walk away, and not let fear control us in the first place.
the people in the film are all so afraid..of being stuck, of not being able to see things through, of having their lives controlled by decisions they only half-made or extenal things that they can't undo...
there is a fatalistic feeling about it that i hate, that no matter how much you have love or know love, fear will still dictate to you
my mood and lack of sleep over this last week have probably contributed to my perceptions of the movie...so if you liked it, i'm sorry for the tirade..if you haven't seen it, ignore this and lets just hope i get some better sleep soon...!

fns..

so i forgot to tell you about last friday night..
me, cate and caleb found ourselves once more footloose and fancy free on a friday evening
deciding that a second attempt on the cloud bar was now several months overdue, we went back to our respective homes at about 9 and got ready to be allowed into the hilton.
and we did it! we went in and waited on the red carpet for the escalator, and there, 20 feet inside the building it had already become clear that we were going to have to explain to caleb the concept of nouveaux riche...the people that go there are just the kind of people that i, snobbishly, ungraciously or whatever, have been happy to be avoiding, on the whole, for the last approximately 10 years...it was very, very funny, realising again that these people really are real, that they go places to be seen, and to see who else is going..i kept wondering how many of the turned heads around the room were recognising caleb from the MEN a few days before..!
but the view...
it was so worth it all, for the view..all four sides of the 23rd floor...imagine, that's only half-way up the building! the view is awesome....
so we proceeded with our Friday Night Singles meeting, hot topics included anonymous valentines...what can they ever hope to achieve? and that kind of thing...
anyway, it was ace, we left there and went to somewhere where we felt much more at home, some smoky gross pub with pool and magners and that as lovely..in a different way!
anyway, i recommend the cloud bar, for the view, the strange seats and the fake-tan giro jet-set...
thanks guys it was a really fun evening...x

sunday, sunday..

i would like to personally thank everyone who has helped make this a lovely sunday for me..
all entirely unplanned and unexpected, none of it wildly adventurous or extraordinary, but the sunday blues sometimes come, and i wish for family and home....i know that today the blues had no place, i was at home and with family..

merci beaucoup, mes amis...

i love blogging at home...am at the balcony not the toilet though sal, sorry! you know as well as i do that that one will never happen!

so here's to another week...ius sure to be a good one..

peace to you, mes cheries...night...x

if its between me and larry,

i win.
right now, am even happier than larry.
am in my bed.
its sunday morning, so naturally the archer's omnibus is on.
i have a large cup of coffee (its my second)
what's so abnormally good about that? i hear you ask...
note: i'm in my bed.
this can only mean one thing.
i got internet..!
oh and not just any old internet, the kind when i will now be able to blog from all sorts of places in the building...the bath...the balcony, the stairwell, the kitchen table, the flat roof at the front, MY NEW SOFA.
i could go on..
yes, yesterday was a brilliant day. in one morning i received: a replacement sim card for my stolen phone, a usb wireless adaptor, and a sofa. i was later given a phone AND i shopped in asda for the kind of food quantity that means i pretty much now don't need to go anywhere for about a month..except maybe work...
am excited.
i plan to be a better blogger, a more regular emailer, a back-to-better-form reader of books, and am trying to figure out the mythical realms of ichat usage for windows, via aol login and any help in this area would be much appreciated.
i also made food last night which i'm sure only katie hall could have appreciated as much as it deserved, so thankfully it was her who rocked up at my door just as i was cutting up the salmon...i've been trying to think this last week (for some reason boycotting any kind of recipe aides..!) how to make food that would remind me of cataluña.
(disappears to find a nice example picture..)
(gives up, and kicks herself for still having five films undeveloped of the 40 days in bcn, including all the nice food at ra, which was her favourite place..)
and i did it..! salmon and tomatoey sauce, with loads of garlic and spice and then lots of different kinds of beans and yellow split peas and some lentils...ahhh it was so good..! and i was transported back for a minute or two..
and to think i used to hate cooking.

well dears, i'm afraid you can expect more of these mildly pointless posts now that i can blog whenever i jolly well like...!
i can only apologise now...and later, i'll probably be back later..

come and sit on my new sofa, its lovely...!

gggrrrrrrrrrrr

someone stole my phone.
am furious.
i have no phone so please don't spend your pennies texting me, or your worries thinking i don't love if i haven't replied to those you've already sent..
will let you know when i have a new one..x