multi-media presentation..

The following are things I have read or heard in the last week or so. Some are things I have agreed with, some been surprised by, some informed by, some I'm still digesting...I feel like oddly as though I am being educated all over again these days. So many of my old learnings are turning out to be quite unsubstantial. Or just plain wrong. Interesting times..

"In 1990, total greenhouse gas (GHG) emissions in the EU-15 had reached the equivalent of 4,208 million tonnes (Mt or Tg) of CO2. CO2Carbon dioxide emissions alone, which represent 82% of GHG, stood at 3,325 Mt in 2000, only 0.5% lower than their 1990 level (3,.342 Mt)"
(opinion of the European Economic and Social Committee on the issues involved in using nuclear power in electicity generation, Brussels, 25th February 2004 http://www.world-nuclear.org/opinion/eesc.doc)

“So I find myself in yet another autumn season. The trees are changing and the weather is soon to warrant scarves and sweaters. In the warmth of our homes, we reflect and prepare for the paths God will lead us through in the upcoming years. Often this preparation focuses entirely on our future, but may I suggest we approach the problem from another angle. Solomon would have taught us that if we love our great King in the fervency and desperation of the present, we naturally bend our will into the will of God, and our heart will plead for the path he wishes for us. There is no guessing the will of God, but only this simple rule: It is now that God favors what you do.”(relevant magazine (-.com), oct 2004, A Hampshire)

“friend #1 – “What is the most important thing to remember in the Britain of today?” friend #2 – “For best results, cook from frozen”
(mil millington, ‘things my girlfriend and I have argued about' (-.com)

Delia Smith refers to greaseproof paper as "baking parchment". Am open to the suggestion (only where proof is provided) that these are, in fact, two seperate items altogether.

"At least it won't mean ending up in a boring nine-to-five, boxed in, with all its greyness and sitting in cubicles"
(friend, december 14th, 2004)

“You gotta stand up in the garden, come and let the rain come falling down upon your head…said you gotta stand up in the garden, baby come and let the rain come falling down and wash away your sin….you gotta stand up in the garden, come and let the rain come falling down upon your head, said you gotta stand up in the garden, baby come and let the rain come falling down and wash away your sin..”
(counting crows..a murder of one, live acoustic)

there will no doubt be more, soon...x

the pensieve

well, here we are again at midnight, cup of tea in hand, freshly smoked in the back garden and ready to write....not sure what
have been learning alot lately....about my family tree, about nuclear-fuelled electricity, about gk chesterton and about the decision to like god even when it seems fruitless and is hard to do. have been trying to find my way through the mire of job decision that i find myself in yet again, trying to decipher the various signs of what is and is not right for me to commit to, and trying, mostly falteringly, to pass the incessant tests that god is putting in front me, weighing my opions by putting job offers on the table - at the RAF, at British Energy, and at a building society in gloucester where at least a third of the people i knew and disliked at school have ended up working. it is truly a greyer, less imaginative place than i have ever had the discomfort to find myself almost working in. as for the first two, i find now that my until now faintly held beliefs about the ethics and ambitions of those two organisations have in fact stood up in me, and prevented me from saying yes to them. this, from the girl who has no money, has left half her possessions in another country, and seems to now have entirely changed her direction in life! its hard to trust myself right now, my instincts, my gut feelings, me heart i feel they are all untrustworthy, and yet god seems to be pointing to them and saying if you would only give these back to me i will and can use them to guide you...if you will lend me an ear i will speak into it, but it must first be closed off to the voices which have confused you.
ok i'm reading articles, not concentrating
will be back tomorrow

warning: non-eventful day narrative ahead

in keeping with the recent promise i made myself, here i am to blog..with no news really. nothing of consequence anyway, but blog i must. today i have
worked in next all day
eaten carrot cake
had a lovely coffee at a lovely coffee place
smoked four cigarettes
had no alcohol
started my day quite flustered. in my spirit. in a way i haven't for a very long time. it was quite unpleasant. but not all bad, since i am wanting very much to have the same need of god that i used to have when waking up to that sensation was a daily occurance.
received a lovely and very welcome text message from catelin
sent several emails
well, that's about it!!
not earth-shattering stuff, is it? and all formatted in a slighly bridget jones style, which was not intended!
i wonder if living here will mean that my days take this non-eventful form most of the time? thing is, much as i've always wanted the exciting life of a wandering person, loving god round the world, meeting people all the time, seeing new things, doing life in a non-normal way, i'm thinking a bit at the moment about how exciting life with god can be anyway, without the things of external excitement? the thought of it makes me shudder, but then the aftertaste of it is pretty nice. its like i want god to be the single most exciting thing in my life, and this is the best way for hm to help me bring that about right now. to put me here, where if i was my days to be out of the ordinary, i have to seek that out, from him, instead of like life in barcelona, where you look around and its exciting, and i have no doubt would have continued to be so even had i stayed for years. but if the novelty of god can wear off, and that of the place may not, then we have a problem. here, there's just no excitement! well that's not true, i know some lovely people, and it is really lovely here. but its not thrilling. i believe that a relationship with jesus, in fully functioning, fire making heart-felt mode can be as exciting and thrilling as any city in any foreign land. more so, much more. so this is what i'm after.
except i just realised it. right now.
thanks blog

back in the u.u.k.k.

could never make a song, could it?
ok, here goes..an attempt to update my poorly neglected pathetic attempt at a blog...
sorry, readers.
life has changed somewhat since last writing from the relative sense and comfort of the aforementioned internet cafe. i am now, surprisingly (or not..) back in the Shire of england. i still can't quite believe it sometimes. but, what is even more staggering, is that i am rather enjoying it. dear reader, do not misunderstand me, i loved barcelona. but it would seem, that for the moment, our time together was only meant to be brief, and i, in all my haste and pent-up desire to leave this place, had crafted god's idea of a forty-day (for as it turns out, since returning i have done the math...indeed, i was there for precisely that biblically-significant amount of time) excursion to learn, see, observe, take note, laugh, drink very cheap, very good wine and make some good friendships, and made it into rather more than that. see, i had banked on moving to spain for good, or at least until something better came into god's mind, at which point i planned to move gladly on. note: i planned. i'd planned it for years. i'd wonted it for more, and had bided (is that the past participle?) my time, working, or not, being in manchester, and was then given the go-ahead. god set no time-frame, as is his wont. so i made one instead. i did the tefl, got ready, packed all my things, took a one-way ticket and made a run for it. i got into a flat, a four-month contract, and began the job-hunt, which as is now apparent, was wholly unsuccessful. why? well, therein lies my single line of thought for a couple of weeks, at the end of october/start of november. i am now reflected-out. i can look at the facts of the case with a certain amount of clarity right now, and safely say, that however humiliating it may be, i wasn't meant to go and stay. not for more than that allocated amount of time. so now i am stuck with the rent contract, and worse off than i was on the 25th of september. apart from one thing...i loved it, i loved the place, the people, the coffee, the tree-house, the tea-shop, the cathedral courtyard, the walk down to the marina, the boats and their little lights, the chandelier, the food made by fran, the times with fran, the good that did both of us, the cell, the jaume 1 metro station, the bar with the books, the sangria with lora, all my times with lora, the sun on the roof while praying with torres, claire and phil, lalo, natalia, the tortilla......i loved it. it doesn't feel particularly real, right now, but i know it happened, and i have the changes in me to prove it. and the stories and truths god let me in on, about the city, while i was there. they were the reason. all of the above. so no tail between legs, no apologies, no excuses. yeah i made some bad decisions, but they were the ones where i simply did not let god in on the deciding. so, lesson learned. well, learning.
the truth is, well, listen up. i was reading a book the last week i was in barcelona. its called the journey of desire. its quite cheesey, well, very, but by the near-end of it i was hooked. i couldn't put it down. but it was getting horribly close to the end and i still felt like the guy hadn't made his Point. you know, the thing i'd remember the book for, the reason why he wrote it. so i carried on, and the night before i flew back, i got there. he was talking about how, all his life, he wanted badly, to live on a ranch - on a huge bit of land, with lots of farm-buildings and lots of space. he'd always been able to see it, exactly how he wanted it, in his mind's eye. and one day, driving somewhere else, he found it. the place. it was just like he'd imagined and dreamt it to be. he began driving towards it. stopped after a while and knew he was to go no further. the thought came to him: " i could be happy here without god"
read: spain, for na.
it had become the land of plenty for me. the place of fulfillment of dreams, of happiness, of merry times and me being me. but if me is precisely who god says i am , nothing added, nothing taken away, then surely that ought to be possible here as much as anywhere else. ought to be no more possible in a place just because i love it, and just because i say so. years i had waited. since i was about 13. to go and teach english in spain. to make my home there. and one word from god was enough. i've wasted a lot of money (mine and other people's) and time and energy and lost a couple of friends for nothing, if i don't look at it how he does: he achieved in me in those few weeks as much as he had planned to. he'd shown me as much as i was ready to see. explained as much as he needed me to understand.
so now, i'm here. i know its right for now. its about all i know but its enough. for the first time, its enough.
hurrah
love x

back in the internet cafe..

what a home this place is turning out to be
ok so i now have some friends...including fran, i now i have about five! how exciting!
am beginng to find my actual feet here instead of my visitor´s feet..its a lovely feeling....
i also now have some writing paper, so far off friends shall soon be receiving the writings that otherwise would have been put on here.....but for now.....things are good. i still don´t have a job, but i am so convinced that waiting another few days or whatever is the right thing, that i shouldn´t just go and get a bar job or go and hand out flyers at the metro station. i just know that teaching is what i´m about right now, and i´ve trained and worked to get here to do that, obviously among other things, but being finally ready and also qualified to do it i am content to wait for the opportunity. well maybe not content, since i have no money, but at least peaceful that its the right thing.
have been thinking about maine road and the good old rainy days there....soggy cigarettes and coffees in the yard, my wonderful bed, the lovely fireplace in my room painted by catelin on a roll........but also the comfort of being in the house, which so felt like a fortress what with all the mayhem going on around its perimetres....here the noise and the activity encroaches right on in..there is no quiet here. i havne´t got to sleep before four in a while. the music the shouting the laughing....all of which are not bad things but i hate that there is no escape from them here. sure, not all parts of the city are like this, but my barrio is a zoo
so i´m a lot more peaceful than i was last week. i am having sweet, sweet times with god and just knowing him more often than not, to be right there, right here.....and right for me
gotta run
love x

l´ennuie...

well my goodness i´ve actually had a bored day in barcelona today...! i know, i know, ungrateful wretch that i am...but when you don´t have very many friends yet...its quite tricky

ok so good things...living in the old town, its pretty flippin good...the noisiest place i´ve ever tried to get to sleep in, but its also very funny and poor and lively and sad and bored people and drug-selling people everywhere...lots of very loud music and well, come see for yourself.

so life is good, sometimes full, sometimes not so much. trying to find work is not fun, but mostly everything else is.
i´m re-acclimatising to spanish people..they sure are odd. they really stare at you, its most unnerving...
god is good, very near these days, very calming, like he´s just waiting to see...well,i´m not sure. just feel like he´s being very patient with me
its hard to know where to begin with life here.
but i´m figuring it out piece by piece. will keep you posted

come on now, fess up..whole stole the fun...?

ok, its 3:32 in the a.m. and i just got home. i spent the evening out in gloucester. it was the birthday of one of my all-time favourite people, so when the night club was suggested as a venue for the after-dinner, i could find no way out of it..i really need to work on my faith in miraculous tranportation.....
its called intraction. or maybe with two nns...........oh sweet lord. going out, i have discovered in the last few hours, is not fun anymore. i don't mean i didn't have fun. i didn't, but that's another story...i just mean, nothing about fun is fun now. the dancing is so stifled and affected and contrived. in fact, i wondered on more than one occasion whether it could really be considered dancing at all. there appears to be nothing left of self-expression, or abandon, or dancing away ones problems. the latter is a therapy route i have often chosen in the past, and have found it almost invariably effective in sweeping those blues away, however temporarily. the thing is, its now drink that is the abandon, and pulling which is the expression, and aim, of the whole event. i saw one person actually enjoying himself while dancing, giving his whole body over to the shite music that frankly, deserved no such attention. but it was quite apparent that his wacko moves were not going to get him any nearer to having sex tonight. he didn't care. i loved him.
i spent quite a lot of time deciding which to be the sadder about - the old women, out as usual, saturday night, hideous halter-necks and young men passing who stopped, showed interest, got close enough to see the facial signs of age-betrayal, and ran for the hills. but then there are the young ones. one, i was informed by a friend, is pregnant and 18. one, has no job because her overbearing bofriend mocked her and her efforts at a hairdressing apprenticeship and made her quiet. she was 19.
and however much i try, i can't write or think these things without feeling like a snob. i've never been a class-warrior, but then i have been brought up and educated in an age where we are forcibly told that class does not exist anymore. but its not about class. or age, or education, its about self-respect i think. although, in the grander scheme, i suppose its really about jesus.

and music....? who, WHO decided in the 90s that R&B was going to be bitched into being the label of more or less all music that filled innteraction this evening...? R&B means rythym and blues. we're agreed on that one, right..? before that, the genre was generally bunched under the category of soul, which i had equal objections to, given that the melodies were generally neither soulful not the lyrics evident of any soul behind them.
so rap soul hip-hop r+b whatever, its all the same. the bass is intrusive on one's natural heartbeat, the lyrics are obscene (and no, you don't have to be mary whitehouse, or 75, to own up to thinking that..) and the vast majority of its melodic perpetrators cannot sing. its all about black people, which of itself, is a good thing. but to see a room full of 800 white people furtively attempting to follow the every move observed daily on MTV of these new musical revolutionaries.....oh it was humiliating. and its everywhere. its not just here.
so this is my question....is dancing not cool? the cool people, who like decent music that has actual talent behind it - glorious, mostly unappreciated, and therefore still cool - are these people (i hope you know i am counting myself amoung them) not supposed to dance? because where on the earth can you find a place to dance to music that is not, as aforementioned, shite?
answers on a postcard.

am i living it right...?

why georgia....? as the song goes....
or why clonmel, co. tipp., in this case....
here's the why....
the fleagh cheoil...

...i'm so excited! we leave in a couple of hours, me and fifi, in holly, for the ferry, and for green hills and fields, for familia, for moynihans bar, for stradbally beach, and for alot alot of drinkin beer in the street with your hand in your pocket...what scandal..!
and, i hope, for some quality time with the good lord...i need it. and here is so successfully squishing me.....so i'm off chicos....laters...x x x

time for a little glass of wine...

oh who's idea was that...?! just saw the gribbos for a couple of hours....and now its back to no more manchester for this girl... i think that's gonna happen to me a few times over the next week or so, as all my friends go more or less right past my door to get to the holiday destination....no, i still don't want to go, but it sure was nice to see some kindred spirits. i have one or two here, that's for sure, but they are sporadically around....but the gribbos...ain't no one quite like em.....so no who's idea was this leaving thing....ah yes, mine, and probably the good lord's too..... now thing is, it just doesn't all seem to be working out quite like i had supposed it might....which is fine...its not exactly a grumble i have in me, more a severe question....when's it going to work...?! and severely rhetorical it is too.....shit man, i'm just so ready to go!! manchester stuff confuses me now....and gloucster stuff, well, there isn't any really...!! but spain stuff..........oh i was reading about this guy today, called someone Christie...an anarchist, scottish, but an anarchist of the late Franco-era.....he was part of a plot to assissinate franco, and it got foiled....the G2 was venerating him today and finding every word he said either hilarious or earth-shatteringly profound......he was a pretty great guy, but he did try to kill someone......he served his time, sure....and he was right in everything that were and are his opinions (in my opinion...) and i found myself feeling this huge feeling...i thought - am i really getting swepped along with this man and all his charisma....? but really....it was spain........all the talk of madrid and barcelona and the foothills of the pyrenees and the hitch-hiking and the plazas..........and i was aching.....its growing man, the ache.....which is what i need....the ache....i think its the ache that's gonna get me there you know.........................................you know..?

and the winner is....

not me, man...i can't even get a job in tesco! not true, i could if i wanted a permanent job, and i wasn't quick enough to lie when that issue came up.....so things at home are good...in an unsteady faith see-saw kind of way.....god gave me about ten days of chill before he stepped it all up. i am now back to knowing how much i need him, and knowing pretty much nothing but that. oh and also that i am meant to be in barcelona by the end of september. thing is, there's knowing that, and there's knowing that that equates to god's provision for me to get there...and there's the hitch.....i have no full-time job as yet, and the clock is ticking...and the last couple of days this has really started to bother me. probably because its been in the last five days that i've realised just how much i want to go to spain. to barcelona, at this time, and not at any other time. and i believe fully that it is ordained for now, and that god has purposed it specifically and strategically. and yet i sem to have no trust for the money. every single other thing i trust him over. but this...its the same old stumbling block, but i guess that now really is as good a time as any to figure out a way over it. having been a pretty big feature of the prayers befor ei left manchester, philippians is as inspirational on this subject as is possible for a few pages in a book to be. but petitioning....what is that? being in such a house of religion means that the worhip that must necessarily precede that part is all but out of the quesiton. but there must be a way through that also, particularly if i'm headed to a nation of the same religion only on an infinitely bigger scale. oh, whittering now...but that's that dielmma and i know i just gotta get down to figuring it out...
ok enough of that, but i had to say it....
what else.....
i'm reading loads about spanish history, about the inquisition, about catalaluna and barcelona history, and figuring that as a city it has an incredible legacy of protest, unrest and well, demonstration. and a mind of its own. and a people that are allwed to and expected to contribute to the life and future of the city. let me in...! i can't even tell you how giddy these books are making me...and i love that its that stuff and not the architecture and art that are attracting me there. i'm having quite a time of it seing how i'm not meant to be a voice there, not yet. when so many have such audible voices i get to be quiet there for a while and sound it all out. so far in the book about the inquisition, the only places in europe that have spoken out against it are england and cataluna....sorry for the lack of n with squiggle...also trying to reconcile the stuff that god was telling me about last night, to do with his jealousy, and the disgust i feel at reading about the inquisition. how do they match up? it doesn't take genious to see how they though they had the right idea. so its all interesting. not enough of a word for it to be honest.
so bed and philippians here i come.....guys which ever of you may be reading this that feel like praying about this money stuff with me....i'd really appreciate it. if it were anyone else, i'd be saying well, he's planned it, he's asked you to go, so he'll provide. it doesn't seem all that crystal-cut simple when you're in it though. if only.....
oh, to not be a simpleton.......

profuse apologies..

..for the dreary post of the other day. it all passed away, as these things tend to.
the surprising part is that is has stayed passed.
i left today. no more manchester living for this lady.
i did cry, but as i looked around, going through fallowfield, and withers, and all that crowd, i knew that i had no more time, noo more patience in me, no more energy to spend on a place that dosn't hold any of the purposes for my life in it. they can't work there.
the scary part is that i know that whatever happens, as of today, is only ever going to be out of the kindness of jesus, and the work i'm prepared to put in.
even old douglas, he knew that's what it all comes down to eventually. you gotta get down to it if you're going to sit on top of those textbooks and shout at passers-by, begging them to question. and question and questions.
any questions?
ys i'm sad, but i don't regret or don't wish anything were other than it is.
which i'm not sure has ever been true for me before.

thanks, one and all, for letting me go. and for letting me be there as a part-timer with you all, letting me come along for the ride.

stick with me, i'm going somewhere.....

not oh happy day

oh dear god i am so cross today and sad
= disgruntled
i have not felt disgruntled for a very long time, months even. and now i am back, after all the hard tefl work, looking for a damn admin job.
oh i'm so cross.
there are no jobs.
and i am now sad about leaving people, which somehow until today i have not been.

got to snap out of it am getting prayed for oh joy in a couple of hours.
have abandoned all grammar propriety.

word..

man, i can't, in fact, don't believe that the last time i blogged was april 1st...i wrote a monster of a post sometime in may...
but yeah, still a pretty shoddy effort on my part
i am half way through my third-last week in manchester
nearly six years of waiting and it turns out i still don't know how to leave.

pretty smashing new blog hey...? loving the green

so i'm feelin wierdly calm about spain....not excepting thed ending up in prison on the way stuff brought up by marijke (sp..?) last night....

i have been dispatched a commission from the lord to document the last six months, with reference to the various departure that have been/are going on....not sure what the point of the observations is going to be, but i know i am far from the only one is to be feeling a mighty intregue about how things work in a community that spans about ten countries....what i come up with will be posted on here....

well its good to be back, i've missed you maya...........

ok so in brief
tefl course is mental. i hate it and love it in equal measure.
fran is in barcelona.....let the games begin.,....
dc left. hewo left. oz left. three down, about ten more to go........
watched lost in translation again...confirmed its place in my top five films

ok gotta scoot...laters world.....x

trying to get through for glastonbury tickets......holy lord this is the single most irritating, nervewracking, boredom-inducing thing i have EVER done

some facts..

i love john meyer
i hate this keyboard
i love having resa home
i hate owing money
i love sting
i hate it when snow mellts
i love snow
i hate that my mum lives so far away
i love the feeling that i am hungry but its making fat be burned off me
i hate being hungry
i love the book of psalms
i hate the human league particularly the song..can't remember the name...famous
i love the nervous feeling i have right now of having started writing my first book yikes
i hate looking for jobs


see, sometimes things really are quite simply either black or white

the qualifiers..

i feel i should explain some of the things that i recently said have been blowing my mind..so here it is..
1, was the book the pursuit of god by aw tozer....this guy basically earned the right to criticise the established church, and so does it effectively powerfully and graciously. he earned this right by remaining within it, even when the spirit within him found it hard - limitations, leadership issues, etc, and by the sheer amount of hours he put in before the throne of god. he knew the longing of god to communicate one-on-one with his children. he recognised that the institution of church disallowed this, by spoon-feeding the word to people, and by convincing them that chasing after god meant getting 'carried away', which obviously our stade and mature society does not see as a good thing. i love to read this book because he is unreserved in his criticism, and yet one knows that he writes nothing without having recieved permission from god. i love to hear that there have been groups, even in this last century of machines war and darkness, of people who have chased god on an individual as weel as corporate level. this i believe is where things start to really work. the body starts to function sincerely and lovingly within the world. and its good for me to be reminded that we are far from being the first ones to have tried this.

2,umm....oh yeah, the movie elephant..whoever you are you should probably go see this movie. i felt entirely defeated when i left the cinema, but i guess its one of those essential movies - these kind of movies are mostly never seen as essential, because they carry a sort of responsibility with them. this film made the high school in it seem like it could have been any high school in the world. the school itself did nothing to warrant the massacre that it experienced. but the sort of pathetically insignificant bullying and teasing and malice that are some people's everyday experience of school do happen everywhere. and no kid in the world would find it impossible to get hold of a gun. somehow, i guess it could be done, whatever country, whatever that country's laws concerning guns. there's a lot of them about. in terms of colours and shade and lighting and trees and gracefulness i haven't seen such a beautiful bit of film in a long time.

3,ah yes....this has been an idea that has attempted to permeate my brain at times in the last few months.i don't believe it. let that be rightly understood. i refuse to believe it. last saturday when i blogged it i guess even as an isolated concept it was blowing my head. the thought that if had never known grace i almost certainly would believe it.but there is still a difference between not believing it, and knowing how to proceed with this disbelief. ok, this is my stuff now, i'm sure sense to anyone else has been lost by this point!

4, oh the joys of consigning one's past to the nonexistant archives of heaven. mmm...still pretty new for me. alot has to change in the mind that remains, so that that past can be left there as irretrievable. (sp.?)i guess it can only really happen when an real miracle occurs. i know that i feel different here, in this house of my childhood. i talked to my mum last night about praying with irene last week. she digs it. bless the lord.

5,yeah nelly f....what a gem.

6, one life, one country..still none the wiser about that one..guess its staing under wraps for a while. i think i'll know what i'm in ireland in august. maybe not. but the more i tell people my plan of leaving the north and mooching around for a whioe and then going to spain next january, the more it seems like the best plan ever.

7, well,i would write out the poem i wrote about these most beauty-full of flowers, but alas it is on a wall in a certain house a couple of hundred miles away. another day i will i promise
that's all folks

some slight news..

hola todos...ok, here's a tale and half.
went to see a lady called irene the other night. i am still shocked into silence a few times a day by what happened there. god came and hung out with us. i learned that there is nothing he cannot change.
i don't know how much to tell....some of it is oddly hidden.
but ok, i have to try...i know now, that the transition i made four years ago, from being a catholic, to being as i now am, not, has had to take this long. i never entirely gave it up. i never surrendered the nationalism that is passed through an irish catholic family line. i never renounced vows i had uttered (in ignorance or otherwise). i always wondered about the necessity and validity of praying to mary. i
anyway alot of old things have gone now. the new ones are coming.
i finally feel like i have permission and the space and the energy to pursue god
am reading, in light of that, the pursuit of god, by a w tozer...check it out it currently blowing my mind
as is elephant, the movie.
as is the idea that sometimes friendships just don't work
as is the newness of life without history...it all being given up, and considered rubbish for the sake of having a future
as is the idea that sometimes, i can make god happy
as is powerless by nelly furtado
as is the idea of giving my whole life to one country
as is the beauty of daffodils

try one of those on for size, i dare ya

against the clock..

ok, having, as i do, about three minutes to sum up the last month and five days that have passed since last we met in this untangible but nevertheless highly effective method comunicacion, suffice to say.....
i have experienced contentment, since december 23rd. not as a constant, but as a passing fancy. its hard to live without, once felt, but i know where it came from, and so i know that when the day or the wind or the falling of snow is all as it should be, i shall have it again.
claire is at the door to go for coffee.....
love you